take my hand //billie eilish//

chapter 7•

billie pov:

me, finneas, river and claudia are in the studio i called zoe and drew over too so we can all hear the final version together because we are releasing it today at 4pm when they arrive we also tell my mom and dad to come in and we all listen to it

as river hums along because its all shes heard over this past three weeks, we have been doing good since our argument a few days ago

after we all listen and agree to release it, finneas presses the button and now its on sound cloud and river grabs my hand and whispers "im so proud the world is going to love you" river says and then finneas says "i am going to make you the biggest pop star in the world" i giggled at the comment and everyone cheers but drew and zoe look at us and zoe speaks "so are use finally over pretending use arent inlove"

"what?" my tone was harsh but it was hurting me how i couldnt tell river how i feel because i know she doesnt feel the same the kiss was a mistake and shes made that clear

"its obvious bills" zoe says and i stand up and walk out. fuck

river pov:

the party has started and there is alot of people here especially billies family and friends, i start to feel my chest tightening but i dont want to ruin such a special moment, but since billie walked out the studio i havent seen her

claudia comes up to me and hands me a red solo cup "dont tell billie" she winks at me, i couldn't tell her anyway because shes missing 

i smell the red solo cup, vodka and monster energy yum. dont ask me how i know my dad took alot of work trips and sometimes id beg to stay home we all know what a free house means...

~time skip~

as i look to find billie i see her bedroom door open

i walk over to billie and sit on her bed with her "billie" i slur through my word, im to drunk but cant let her notice "billieeeee" i shake her. 

"river hey" she says sitting up and taking her airpods out "what are you doing? people are here for you, for your song" i laugh "im just drawing"

when im drunk i may take things to far, billie shows me her drawings sometimes and shes really good "let me see" i say trying to look at the notebook "river" she says in serious voice

"sorry" i say drinking the rest of my drink, i take a deep look into her eyes and see the bloodshot in the corner "have you been crying" i throw my cup and pull her head closer, our noses almost touching, i can feel my body sobering up almost immediately

"no of course not" she tries to smile, i go to take her wrist but she flinches, what is up with her "you either tell me or i go tell finneas"

she sighs, i shouldnt force her but shes only just started getting better and i care about her more than she thinks and this time i wont let her shut me out

"fine" she sighs "im getting worse river not better ive just been hiding it" my face drops and i let go of her "and you didnt tell me"

i tear up

"ive been locking my self in the bathroom and yeah" i could tell she didnt want to continue

"i didnt mean to make you cry" she says as the tear rolls down my cheek "i cant lose you again"

"you didnt lose me i just lost my self and i didnt want to tell you because you have enough on your chest" she says

so i spit back "i dont care whats going on with me? i care for you, my dad dying doesnt mean you cant tell me stuff" i shouldnt of said it so harshly but i couldnt help it if she needs my help she needs to tell me, my problems are mine

"that night, when we argued and you locked your room" her face turned red

"did you?" i look at her my eyes filling like pools...

billie pov:

she looked me, her eyes filled like they were ready to bleed over

i shake my head not wanting to answer "did you" she spits

i ignore her and go to put my airpod back in my ear, she slaps my hand sending my airpod flying across my room

"river what the fuck" i look at her

"did you or did you not billie" her hands shaking with adrenaline

"river please" i say not wanting to answer because i know how'd she react and it wasnt going to be a happy or sad one she'd be mad

"you did" her voice cracked  "while i was trying to get in you sat there and hurt yourself, billie"

"i want to be alone" she scoffs "no" excuse me what?

"river" "give me it" my stomach dropped "now billie" i cant do this

i get my airpod of the floor and shove them in my ear and walk out.

river pov:

i know i may seem self centred but when billie did this two years ago i was in the same room as her when she did it

which hurt me because i had no idea what was going on and her depression can get serious, when i found out she was cutting again something took over me. rage.

i hate not being able to help her and then i take it out on her? its confusing but thats my way of helping which doesnt help at all...

"billie wait im sorry" i need water, my head is spinning shes walking to fast

as billie goes to the door im to small to see her, so im pushing through the crowd "excuse me" "can i squeeze through, thank you"

until i accidentally bump into the wrong person

finneas.

how are you all finding the story?

whats your favourite billie song?