take my hand //billie eilish//

chapter 43•

river pov:

red carpet night. book in hand, almost slipping from my grip as the sweat dripped from my palm. i mean of course im scared

i watched billie do this a million times but she made it look so easy, but this time it was just me and liv no billie to take the spotlight off me and god i wish she was here i hate this.

the sick feeling develops in my stomach as an interviewer called me over. kill me? "go on she wants you" liv says pushing me

we got over and the first question came "your book is amazing, do you think there will be a number 2" come on river speak with confidence

if you can do it in an english class full of boys who dont understand feminism you can do it now.

"yes of course it may take a while as i havent even thought about the first word" the interviewer laughed as she continued to ask about my book

"we heard you and billie split up, hows that been" and here come the billie questions, they will get clipped and it will look like ive said something stupid.

"we heard rumour after rumour" shit. "one day we just stopped speaking, so i think from both sides we assumed it was over, but i still love her and will continue to support her from affar" i smiled

i knew i was lying, she was cheating, but for me to tell them that? i would never id hate for somebody to ruin me like that

its not fair.

but was it fair when she was kissing other girls.

as we begun to walk to the next interviewer i saw billie and finneas

my heart pounded when i saw her, she looked so much better, so beautiful.

i mean of course i couldnt take my eyes off of her as i skipped interview after interview and took my seat, watching the cameras flash as she posed

god the things i would do to just run up to her now.

liv was speaking but it sounded so silent as i watched the girl of my dreams stand right infront of me

"hey could you hold this" i say to liv as i stand to go to the restroom

i push through the door, i didnt want to make a scene but running to the restroom wasnt the best idea

barging into a stall locking it behind me, i sat and cried on the floor, the love i have for this girl i know she hurt me but you cant just get over someone like that

when we first kissed it was so strong like i knew we had a connection, i never gave my self to anybody else the way i gave my self to her

it's unbelievable after everything she did this to me, trying to pull my breathing together as my head rested in between my knees

the mascara dripping down my cheeks "river" i heard liv say "i know your in here baby" she calls me baby in a friend way of course

i opened the stall and stood there, putting my hands over my eyes "i feel stupid being here liv" she took me into her arms as we stood in the middle of the stall

"its hard i know" she knew exactly what i was talking about she always does

"i miss her" i sobbed getting my makeup on her shirt "its okay" she tried to help me but her touch didnt work like billies did

i thought id be fine now weve broke up but ive been in this state since we broke up and poor liv has to put up with it

"im here for you, its always going to be hard seeing someone you love without you but youll work over it and move on"

but i didnt want to move on

i just wanted her back.

the door opened and and liv pushed me into the stall, i look up confused seeing a panicking liv "liv" she hushed me by putting her finger over my mouth

"its billie" she whispered into my ear. here comes the rapid heart beat

i wiped my eyes and pulled liv out the stall, billies head snapping towards us i look down at my feet as i felt her eyes burn on me and liv

i hope she doesnt think anything.

billie pov:

i walk into the restroom to take a breath, seeing river earlier hurt me, she looks happy and it kills me

i never wish bad on her and im happy shes happy but without me? it feels wrong i feel so guilty and so much self hatred for what i did

i really never wanted to hurt her, looking at my self in the mirror trying to hold my self together i heard a stall open

i turned my head and it was river with some girl coming out the same stall? she didnt even look at me

hanging her head down while the girl stared me down taking a deep breath i headed out the restroom and walked straight up to claudia

"whos that girl rivers with" i asked her "its her best friend olivia, olivia threshhold" "so theres nothing going on between them" i questioned

"no billie and even if there was i dont think river wants you to be involved" i understood where claudia was coming from

i hurt her and her love life is non of business until i caught her staring, i looked back at her and we caught eyes

looking into her bright green eyes made my stomach drop, it was like looking in them the same day i knew i loved her.

~

UHMMMM...

YUH?