Anurakti

57: A little Scratch

Samidha tightened her jacket around herself, feeling cold.

"Should I turn on the heat?"

"I like the cold."

She muttered, looking out of the car at the ocean.

She always stayed away from water bodies. Not because she was scared of them but because she wanted to drown in them.

"I.............I'm sorry. I never hated you. I was just angry you left us. You didn't even tell me."
Shubham spoke hesitantly, in a small voice, sad.

"Don't be Shubham. I was just being childish there and you took my words to your heart. Don't think that much about something so unimportant."

"You crying like that is not something unimportant Samidha. Stop trying to avoid your feelings."

"I shouldn't cry because of something as small as that. There are bigger issues in the world. If people like me started crying like that then those other people really would die."
She spoke, utterly emotionless. Her eyes, not once leaving the road.

"If you drown in a 10 ft tank or a 20 ft tank, you are ultimately going to die Samidha. It won't matter which tank has more water. The effects are gonna be the same."

"Stop trying to be philosophical with me. I have accepted my reality. I am happy with being just a well wisher in people's lives. Neither do I want nor do I need a place in people's lives."

"And that is exactly why you were crying because Radha would take all of Sahaj's attention. Right?"
He sharply cut in.

Why does she have to pretend to be heartless when she is not? It isn't a blessing to be emotionless.

"Tell me Samidha, why were you crying? Because he doesn't remember you or because he doesn't love you?"
He asked, stopping the car in front of Sahaj's mansion.

Samidha finally looked at him. Her throat drying up.
Taking a deep breath she opened the car's door and left.

The cold wind slapped her face, again reminding her of her failure. She came so close to him, so, so close to him. Yet she wasn't able to form a bond. He probably won't remember her as anything more than a body he craved, a stranger who he didn't care about.

He won't smile when he will remember her. He won't even cry. He won't have any emotion when he'll remember her. It would have been better if they never would've talked in the first place. At least she would've been able to protect her heart by thinking that he doesn't remember anything. Nothing at all.

But now, he knows her.
And he won't remember her as someone special.

____________________________________

"Open the door Samidha!"

Samidha woke up at the loud banging on the door of her room. Rubbing her eyes she opened the door, yawning.

It was Sahaj, holding Shubham's bloody handkerchief.

"What is it?"

"Did you keep this in the laundry? Is this blood?"
He asked and she leaned on the door frame, not really in the mood to even talk to him.

Once she had cried and let her emotions out, it was impossible for her to get affected.

"Yes I did. You don't want blood in your laundry? I'll wash it myself."
She yawned, snatching it away by her injured hand and wincing.

Sahaj looked down at her hand and almost gasped. Blood was still there in her nails, and the cracks of her skin.

Not fifteen minutes ago, Martha asked Sahaj if Samidha was okay. Unaware of the situation, he asked her why she was concerned. And Martha told him that she saw Samidha unwrap a blood hanky from her hand and throw it in the laundry. There was blood dripping from her hand. And after that she ran into her room before Martha could ask anything herself.