It has been a week since that night I left and hadn't come back until now.
I stayed up every night waiting for his explanation dahil baka tumawag, mag text, or bigla nalang siyang magpakita sa harap ng pinto ng kwarto ko dito sa hotel na tinutuluyan ko.
Siya parin ang wallpaper ko at bawat oras ko iyong tinititigan habang hinihintay ang tawag niya, pero ni isa ay wala akong natanggap, at imbes ay isang message galing sa isang anonymous Instagram account dumating sa akin.
Hi, Ms. Loreen, I know you don't know me, but I'm such a big fan of yours. I also really admire your relationship with your boyfriend, but I noticed that he hadn't posted anything about you these past few days. So I was wondering if you're still together?
I didn't reply to that message because I thought it was just one of those cringey teenagers in the University na bumuo ng isang fan group para sa aming dalawa ni Wren because they believed that we were the definition of 'couple goals', until the person behind the account sent another message.
I saw him kasi with a girl last night in a club, so I'm just concerned if you're still with him because they were flirting.
When I read the message, my world crashed down once again but I didn't cry, until I saw the photo below the message.
I clicked on it at sunod-sunod na nagpatakan ang mga luha ko dahil naroon 'yong ebidensyang hinahanap ko.
In the photo, my husband was kissing somebody else.
I wanted to laugh because it was so stupid and I just saw these kinds of scenarios happen to my friends, but here I was, getting cheated on.
On our 7th anniversary, my husband cheated on me.
The confirmation of his betrayal sent my phone to crash down on the tiled floor of my hotel room.
Akala ko ay kadramahan lang iyong sinasabi nilang parang nadudurog ang pakiramdam ng taong niloko ng taong akala ay mahal sila, pero noong gabing 'yon ay naranasan ko ang pakiramdam na iyon.
Hindi ako makahinga...
Pakiramdam ko ay hawak niya ang puso ko at dinudurog 'yon sa palad niya.
Gusto kong umiyak... gusto kong magwala...pero hindi ko ginawa dahil nanaig sa akin ang kagustuhang makausap siya.
I wanted to go home and talk to him because I wanted to hear his explanation because these questions inside my head were killing me.
Bakit niya nagawa sa akin 'yon?
Did he see me like my mother? Mahina... malambot... mapapatawad... tanga...
Ganoon ba 'yong nakita niya sa akin kaya akala niya ay pwede niya akong saktan, pagkatapos ay patatawarin ko siya?
My mother should've been my role model growing up, but instead, I promised myself to not be like her because I didn't want to end up in her shoe...abused and always taken advantage of.
She was too kind and understanding, so I made myself the opposite.
Wala akong pakealam kung hindi ako magustuhan ng mga tao dahil ang mahalaga sa akin ay hindi ako naaabuso.
But why did I still end up like her?
It was my best. This was my best.
I was like this because I tried so hard to be.
The barrier I set was so strong and tall, but he managed to crash it down.
"Are you okay? You're crying."
