I sat down, watched the wall clock move its arms, and waited for an hour, followed by another, and then another. Until the door finally slowly swung open and my husband came out of it.
We stared as our eyes caught each other, but then he looked away so I stood up from the couch.
"Where did you go?" I asked in a normal voice despite the tension building up between us.
He didn't respond and instead walked past me, so I followed him until we reached the kitchen, where the lights were dim and not helping with the lingering emotions inside me.
"Can we talk?" I asked another question.
Finally, he spun around to face me.
"Para saan?"
I repeated his question inside my head, but then he spoke again.
"Hindi ka ba busy? Baka nakakaistorbo na ako," he sarcastically said and turned away from me again.
I blinked several times because I could feel the sting on my eyes again.
Ganito niya ba ako kakausapin pagkatapos niya akong lokohin?
I deserve his explanation, not this kind of treatment.
"Bakit mo ako iniiwasan? Why didn't you call me? Or kahit na text man lang?" I desperately asked.
I was waiting for him to contact me because I was dying to hear his voice and his explanation telling me that I was wrong because he didn't really cheated on me, and then he'd demand that I come home because he already missed me.
But I got nothing.
"Bakit ba ayaw mo akong kausapin!?" I shouted in frustration.
"Pagod ako. Pwede bang next time nalang?" he remarked without any interest.
The first tear blurred my eye. "Pagod din ako, Wren."
To voice out those words was the most exhausting, so I just whispered.
"Parehas pala tayong pagod, e. Bakit kailangan pa nating mag usap?" He attempted to walk out again, so I held his arm.
"Bakit ayaw mo akong kausapin? I need to hear yo--"
"Tangina! Kasi nga ayaw kitang kausap!"
Nabitawan ko siya at isang beses akong napaatras dahil sa biglaan niyang pagsigaw sa akin.
My hands trembled in sudden fear so I hid them behind me. He saw it but he didn't care.
"Mahirap bang intindihin 'yon!? Potangina ayaw kitang kausap, Loreen!" he shouted again. "Naririndi ako sa boses mo."
What he said instantly pierced my heart, but I didn't want to cry in front of him so I did my best not to break.
"Tangina, hindi ka talaga makaintindi, e." He scoffed and sneered a chuckle in contempt to insult me. "Bato ka. Wala kang pakiramdam at mas lalong wala kang pakealam sa mga nakapaligid sayo. Ikaw ang pinaka makasariling taong nakilala ko."
Hindi ko alam kung saan niya nakukuha 'tong mga pinagsasasabi niya sa akin ngayon, but I knew it was meant to hurt me and it was working perfectly.
I was crashing inside but my face didn't move, so maybe he was actually right.
"Noong pinakasalan kita, potangina alam kong pagsisisihan ko pero tinuloy ko parin kasi mahal kita." He slightly laughed at himself and I tasted the bitterness of it.
All I wanted to hear was his explanation on why he cheated on me, but he was giving me another— his explanation on how regretful he was for marrying me.
