blaze of desire // billie eilish fanfiction

ten: trust that

delilah

"when are you going to be back?" luna asked.

"two more weeks." i replied.

"delilah, it was supposed to be a week." luna stated.

"i know, im sorry, but juniper got sick and it was because of the plane. i want her to fully recover and forget about it before we take another flight." i replied. "don't you want her to be healthy?"

"i do, but does it have to be two weeks?" she replied. "cause it honestly just feels like you're tryna keep her from me at this point."

"i'm not! i fought for you to be in her life, i want that for the both of you. how could you even say that?" i frowned, actually hurt that she'd think that about me.

"well it's starting to feel like it, with the custody talk the last time." she mentioned.

"i didn't mean that."

"you know, you always blame me for our divorce but you should reflect on yourself and your temper. you threw tantrums on the tiniest shit and i had to endure it." she said. "like you say shit you say you don't mean but why the hell did you say them in the first place?"

how could she even have the audacity to suggest that i was the soul reason for this mess? i wanted to embrace us, that's all i ever wanted.

"you don't get to insult me anymore. i don't blame you entirely, i know that i am to blame too but you have to ask yourself why was i always so unbearable to you? why was i throwing those tantrums? sure maybe there was a better way to handle whatever had accrued, but you gave up on me way before that." i replied. "you used to love me just the way i was and you used to know how to calm me down, you knew when to stop what irritated me, you knew how to make me smile the same second i was frowning and don't you try and tell me it was exhausting. you loved me the way i was."

"i grew tired." she sighed.

"i know you did." my heart ached. "uhm—." my shaky voice said. "i'll drop off juni at yours the moment we land, how about that?"

"okay."

"okay bye."

"bye."

"hon? everything okay?" dad knocked on my door.

"yeah, it's fine." i nodded. "i'm fine." i swallowed.

"you sure?"

"uh huh." i nodded even though my eyes were filling up with tears. i've felt like a cry baby ever since i got here, my parents around me, it just makes me feel so safe and so seen and loved. dad held me in his arms anyway. "she just makes me feel so unlovable, like im too much."

"you are perfectly lovable, you are my perfect little girl. you are just enough, don't you dare think other wise and don't you dare try and make yourself small just because a cruel person made you believe a lie." he held me.

"i couldn't make myself small if i tried." i sniffled.

"that's exactly what i like to hear." he kissed the top of my head. "now get to the kitchen, your mom made muffins."

"okay, ill be right behind you, ill just wash my face." i told him. he nodded and exited the room, i grabbed my phone and texted billie, 'you free tonight?' and then actually washed my face.

'for you, always', she replied.

'i just need a friend, is that okay?' i texted and bit my nails in anxiousness.

'more than okay, im here'

"i am not going to stop bugging you about having billie over for dinner. we should thank her for her kindness." mom told me the moment she saw my face.