blaze of desire // billie eilish fanfiction

thirty-six : our firsts

delilah

we spent all night just talking. telling each other stories from our childhood to stupid high school drama to our future and what to expect from it. we stayed up until we couldn't anymore, i didn't want the day to end. it was too perfect. this might have been my favorite birthday out of all of them.

i woke up before billie did, so i grabbed my over night bag and started my morning routine by brushing my teeth. i was brushing my teeth in my girlfriend's apartment, waiting for my girlfriend to wake up from sleep. it sort of didn't feel like it was real, just before yesterday we were unlabeled and today we're girl friends and she loves me and i love her.

she is so good to me and i couldn't ask for someone more perfect than her. i think im only fearful that i wont be enough for her. i am aware that i can be a handful but i might not be enough in the sense of me being there for her. doing, showing enough.

and people just change, out of nowhere. i certainly didn't think luna would change but she did. i can't handle billie doing that to me, i can't loose her. i can't shift my life for her and then have to turn it upside down once again. i don't think i have the strength to go through another heartbreak.

it almost felt like the ground beneath me was shifting and i didn't want to believe that it was until i had collapsed. i know that it's okay to have the fear of that happening again, and i know that billie isn't luna, and i do trust her, but it is terrifying.

a knock on the bathroom door startled me. "sorry, i didn't mean to make you jump." she said with her raspy voice.

"it's okay." i sniffled.

"hey, talk to me." she cupped my face.

"you can not break my heart." i threatened.

"i would kill myself if i did." she laughed at me. "i wouldn't dare break your heart, that is not going to happen."

"don't laugh at me!"

"i'm sorry, im sorry." she cupped the other side of my face. "i love you blaze. i would be the biggest fool in the world to even think about hurting you." she kissed my forehead and pulled me into her chest. "why are you thinking about this?" she softly asked me.

"i don't know."

"it's okay, as long as you talk to me okay?" she kissed my head. "whenever you feel lost or scared just talk to me blaze."

"okay." i nodded.

"now before i kiss you, let me brush my nasty teeth." she giggled.

"i don't care."

"well i care." she giggled, wrinkling her nose. "two minutes, i promise." she said as if didn't already smell her morning breath.

"fine." i smiled and continued with my morning routine as she brushed her teeth. "all clean?" i raised a brow once she wiped her mouth.

"mhm." she pulled me in by my waist and cupped the right side of my face. our lips met once more and she shot millions of electric signals through my body to alert every cell in my being that she was mine again. "minty." she commented the moment we pulled away making me laugh.

"do you have work today?" i dreaded the answer.

"yeah at night, i'm free all morning and afternoon." she replied. "freed up my day just in case i couldn't get enough of you and who was i kidding? of course i wouldn't get enough of you."

"juni is with luna until tonight." i raised a brow and a big smile creeped up on my face.

"first morning and day of us being officially girlfriends together!.... i sound a teen in love." she covered her face.