blaze of desire // billie eilish fanfiction

eleven : yeah no shit

delilah

i accidentally slipped out to billie that my mom wanted to invite her over for a meal and somehow she managed to see her again and accept that invitation. "if you got together you'd be in a long distance relationship right?" mom asked me as we were getting ready for the day.

"we are not going to be in a relationship mom, please don't bring it up when billie is here." i sighed.

"why not! i like her." she replied.

"you don't even know her!" i laughed. "but she is a good person, don't get me wrong. it's just i'm not at a point in my life where i can be in a relationship, especially a long distance one. plus we've talked about it." we both agree that being states away from each other has somehow benefited us, if it weren't for that im afraid i might've done something stupid. maybe her too.

"im messing around with you honey, i know you're not ready for a relationship yet." she told me. "i just wanted to say that once you are, i say consider billie as one of you top options."

"elle was like just replace luna to humble her." mom cracked up at that. "but you really can't replace a person, no matter how similar you think they are, everyone is made up from small little details that makes them, them.."

"oh honey, your father has cursed you with the biggest heart. you shouldn't live and mope in the past, especially after what happened. that isn't who she is anymore, she choose to change, it's her loss." mom stopped doing her makeup and held my shoulders, turning my her way.

"i know, im over her now." i nodded. "but not the version of her that i loved and... that loved me i guess. and the thing is, i think im more hug up on the fact that i could've had a family. we could have been something so special." i told her.

"how many times have i told you not to dwell on the what ifs? how many times?" she groaned. "delilah you are my one and only girl, i love you endlessly and you are killing me slowly because you aren't moving on from that child you married! you know what? i know you would do anything for the people you love, and i know you might not like yourself now especially so get over her for me okay? do it for me so i can see you happy again. i can't have you go back to california where i don't know how you're doing really. right in front of me. i am your mother and i am supposed to make sure that you are okay, i need you to be okay. why are you going back to california? move back here, you stayed there because of luna, you're not together anymore."

"no mom, i can't! my job, elle is there, juniper and iris love each other so much. my whole life is there." i replied.

"you have a life here too." she commented.

"yeah, i do but i also am going to be going backwards if i move here. yes i know people here, my mama is here and my dad is here. but the people i know here watched me grow up throughout the days randomly. my life isn't here anymore, sure i can build a life here but i don't want that mom. i'm sorry." i shook my head, my throat starting to pulse.

"you're right, i don't know what i was thinking asking you to move. i just miss you, i miss you a lot and i worry about you." she hugged me.

"i'll be okay mom, i promise." i held her tight. "you shouldn't worry about me, you just enjoy your paintings and your studio and let dad be proud of you and display them in his gallery. your daughter will be just fine, ive gone through the worst part of it, it can't get any worse right?"

"no, it can't but you be okay. for me okay?" she lightly pushed my chest.

"how are you going to tell me to be okay and then hit me?" i put my hand on chest.

"finish you makeup before your girlfriend gets here."

"a girl that is a friend mom." i gave her a look.