blaze of desire // billie eilish fanfiction

fifteen : gathering

delilah

eloise dropped off our girls at her parents' for the night. i never had people to invite to a gathering, at least not ones that i ever cared for truly. the closest thing i had to that experience was in college, but everyone just secretly hated one another.

my whole adult life was surrounded by my ex wife, making sure that she wasn't going to be mad at me, snap at me which would in turn make me snap as well. i couldn't really enjoy the freedom that i had to have experiences with friends and just have a laugh. i was too worried that it would provoke another unnecessary fight and so i sold my soul to my marriage.

"come here." eloise stopped in her tracks to instruct. we had been cleaning up the house and displaying all the snacks we had made and bought. i was about to start putting the flowers i had in their vases, which in fact were recycled wine bottles. "you smell like cigarettes." she glared at me before walking away.

fuck.

"i just had one." i explained, panic rushing through me. i started smoking in collage, it wasn't an exsisve addiction. i only had one when i felt too overwhelmed, that was my rule for myself. i could go a month or two without somking a cigarette, it just solely depended on the events of that month.

i stopped the habit completely when luna and i started trying. i didn't pick it up for a year and a half, that's when i realized i needed a divorce. i had one, just one and now i keep going back to them.

eloise hates that habit, i don't blame her, i hate it too. "it's always that excuse, that is not an excuse delilah." she told me.

"i know, i know." i sighed, going to the bathroom to brush my teeth and floss. "luna hasn't called me ever since we got back home, i don't even know if she's going to want to see her for christmas."

"you should sue." she told me. "i've said it before and i'll say it again."

"i don't want to think about that right now." i replied. "later tonight can we just talk?"

"yes!" her voice was a little more upbeat because i always was against the idea. talking about it probably meant i was considering it and i am.

i put on my sweater dress and long stockings, i sprayed on my hair mist and my favorite perfume before going back to the flowers. "i'm sorry." i chewed the insides of my cheeks.

"don't tell me you're sorry when you're going to do it again, plus you're the one that's killing your life span." she replied.

"i'll quit soon, i just— let me have this for now."

"you've been having it." she shrugged, putting the fruit plate on the coffee table. "just— fine." she told me. "have it, just don't let me catch you in the act or smelling like it again."

"okay." i nodded.

the door bell rang, "that's probably steph." eloise said, "she told me she was leaving the bar a while ago."

"i'll open the door then."

"hey delilah!" steph exclaimed. "miss you annoying us at the bar." she hugged me.

"i am anything but annoying." i gave her a look. "let me take that from your hands." she had brought pastries from a popular cafe in the area.

"i'm the first one here?" she raised both her brows as i entered the kitchen to plate what was in the box.

the door bell rang again, "yup, but people are coming in right behind you." eloise answered the door. "claudia!" i smiled at my best friend, finally meeting my new friend.