blaze of desire // billie eilish fanfiction

twenty-five : i just scrubbed

delilah

"i fucked up elle, so bad." i stared at the bathroom door, finally allowing myself to break down.

"hey, hey." she tucked my hair behind my ear and cupped my face. "what happened?" she asked. "tell me, what happened delilah."

"i lost her." i broke down. "she— she said- i—."

"okay sh shsh, you don't have to say anything. i understand, you're okay." she held me in her arms. "you're okay, you did good."

"no, i didn't. i'm not okay." i shook my head.

"you held it together, and you're going to be okay." she told me. "you could've broken down, but you didn't."

"it's my fault." she voice broke.

"you'll fix it."

"i can't, it's better like this." i cried.

"are you stupid? nothing makes you as happy as that women and you can't say other wise. don't ruin this for yourself, you deserve to be loved delilah." she told me.

"i love you elle, but i can't."

"go cry and think about it in your room, maybe you'll get back to your senses." she told me.

"it's the weekend, i'm not crying in the weekend." i sniffled.

"too late for that."

"i need a drink, or two." i started looking through my closet.

"you can't leave, not without me and not this emotionally vulnerable." eloise walked into my room.

"ive always been emotionally vulnerable, i just hid it well. let me forget about being sad for a few hours." i replied.

"only if you go to the bar i work at, steph can keep an eye on you." she told me.

"fine."

"good and take an uber, i'll call an uber for you now." she told me.

"elle, the house is all clean again." nathan knocked on my door. "what happened?" he frowned.

"i don't fucking know, that was the problem." i glared at him.

"i'll be in the shower." he pointed behind him and walked away.

"you're going to the bar and you're going to come back here and you'll pull yourself together because you have to. you'll figure it out, we'll talk, maybe you'll cry and then you'll choose for real." she told me.

"it's too late." i shook my head.

"it's not." she grabbed the outfit i should wear and handed it to me. "do what you gotta do, breathe in some fresh air or weed contaminated air, you'll be fine."

"stop saying that." i put on the skirt she picked out. "i will kill you if you say that again."
-

walked into the dimly lit bar, sat at the same fucking stool i sat at when i was moping about my life after the divorce. "cutting you off at two." steph told me. "so choose wisely."

"whatever, get me a tequila shot."

"go big or go home right?" she walked away to get me my drink.

"delilah?" eve came out of nowhere.

"hey! what are you doing here?" i widened my eyes.

"im here with some friends. what about you?" she replied.

"just decided i needed a drink." i replied.

"can i join you?" she asked.

"sure." i downed the shot steph put in front of me.