Anastasia Catts

Scared

I hear the door open and look up. I wipe my watery eyes. A soft hand touches my shoulder. A body sits down next to me. Ashley.

She looks at me, sincere. Not fake. I feel like glaring at her for ruining my life, but it was my fault. All of it, and we both know it. I don't want her to feel bad for me. I'm making it look like I do. And somewhere inside of me, the selfish side, wants her to feel bad. Part of me wants her to feel the pain.

I bet she does though. A different pain. One that makes you feel like the person you loves, loves someone else. That's part of the reason why I don't want to be with Dell. I feel as if he'll always have a little love for the people he's left behind. I'm scared.

"I'm sorry I'm causing all this drama," I apologize wiping my face.

"It's me too... I keep bugging him. I think he still likes you, and I hate it. Every time he denies it, but I can tell... he's lying," She sighs. I can hear the pain in her voice.

"I could never substitute for you," I tell her. I look at her, she looks back. Both of us with tears in our eyes.

"I can't substitute you... I might break up with him. He doesn't really love me..." She cries and wipes her eyes.

"I can't let you do that... I don't want to hurt him anymore. I don't want to cause him drama because I'm with him. Everything is calm now that you're with him. You can't possibly think of leaving him."

"But he thinks about leaving me every minute."

We're both scared. We're scared out of our minds because of one boy. This is what my quiet life has come to. I smile sheepishly. I feel like it was worth it... Somewhere inside me I have the feeling that everything I've been through is worth it.

"Truthfully," Ashley starts. "Do you love him?"

The is the question that hurts the most. I have to say no. I can't say yes. She'll break up with him and she wont be happy anymore. But you wont be happy.

I look at Ashley. She's continually wiping her face. Dell deserves someone like her. Someone who would cry over him. Someone who thinks about him and worries about him every second of the day.

"I don't love him. I just had to get over some mixed feelings I still have. You two are perfect for each other," I tell her smiling.

"Really?" She asks.

"Yeah. I'm pretty sure I've gotten over him. I mean seeing how much you care for him... It was nothing compared to me. It honestly shows that you really love him and I was just crushing or something," I laugh a little.

~

I feel the tears running down my face. I hug my legs as I fall backwards and break like an egg. I slam my fists on my bed cover and scream. I turn over on my stomach and continue crying and trying to keep together from completely dying.

I turn look at the black screen of my phone. I look at the slight reflection. My eyes are blue. I wipe my eyes. Still blue. put my head on my white pillow and put my hands underneath. I'm scared again.

I'm scared I'll never find a guy like Dell again.

"I love you..." Dell smiles as he moves his hand to my chin.

His brown eyes shimmer and his hair sway slightly. The breeze catches him perfectly. He's amazing. The best thing in the world. I smile and he grins. His face is inches away from mine. Our lips so close. I lean closer.

"Y-you chose to be away from me!?!" He suddenly yells.

"N-No! Dell! I didn't mean it! I love you!" I scream.

"His comforting hand leaves my chin and he stand up, "I thought you loved me!!!"

"No Dell! Stay! I didn't-" I plead.

All of a sudden a blackness engulfs him. I scream as he is pulled away from my grasp.

~ You're Gonna Miss Me When I'm Gone ~

;-; the feels

Delsia 4 Lyfe