L (Lyndon)

Chapter ten

Ch 10 

"We need to talk, about last night" 

Lyn turned round at the sound of Lucas, his face could hardly be seen by the bright corridor light above his head, she didn't mind though it made it easier to say what she had to, weather she felt it or not. She had left his room before he woke, and as he had not risen until after one that afternoon. It had been easy so far to avoid him, but she knew he'd find her somewhere, and now here his was. 

"Don't Lucas, I know just what you have to say, It was a mistake, it should never have happened, you feel like you took advantage, it would never have happened if you hadn't been drunk and so on. Well that's just fine. Maybe you can except it as a one night stand, but I can't. I love you, your the only one I remember loving, so I always will.  

"So why don't we just forget it ever happened, and go on like we were before, in the end it wont matter anyway, after all this is over there wont be any use for me, I can't gone on out there alone, what if something happens, its not like I can find and go back to a family I will never remember so once I've done whats needed, I'm dead" 

"What-" 

"Don't act like you care. Your breaking my heart, but in the end it doesn't matter, I'll be dead and you can go back, go find some pretty little real human to have a life with, and forget you ever knew me or that any of this ever was, maybe until then I'll ask Ash if he can have a go at fixing my emotion chip, that way the next few months will go by with no pain" 

Lyn quickly turned and walked towards her room, her heart in pieces, nothing she could remember had torn at her insides like this and all she wanted was to be alone. There was nothing that could be done to fix this, Lyn loved him.  

Did he really not care? 

He was all she could truly remember from her life before the war so how could she have let this happen, Lyn knew she'd get hurt, but it was perfect and she knew he loved her back, one simple kiss had told her that, Lucas was just to afraid to say so. 

"See you at tea" Lyn shouted down the corridor, but refused to look up as she turned the corner and disappeared.  

Then with all her strength gone that she had put into trying not to cry, Lyn fell face first on her pillow and pulled her woolen blanket tight up around her and over her head where she could no longer hold back the flood of tears There was no one she loved more or need more, but right now these were tears even Lucas couldn't see. He was there cause and for the first time in years they came from her heart taking her breath away and with each sob a new tear fell down Lyn's cheeks falling on her pillow creating an ever growing patch of wet. 

Lyn tried to tell herself that at least she'd finally told Lucas what she had never been able to when they were in school and that in a few months if it took that long she would no longer be alive for it to matter anyway, but it was no use, she wanted Lucas more then ever now, she truly knew he was her one, her soul mate. Lyn needed Lucas more then she knew, until then more then even she was happy to say, so did he really not care, not even a small amount? She didn't want to have to die, but she couldn't be left alone, she wanted to live, hopefully with Lucas and even one day have a family of her own again. 

The thought of that ran over and over again though the more it did the more she cried, how beautiful their children would be all with his most stunning chocolate eyes and the little raised eyebrow thing he did when confused, but knowing none of that would never be hurt inside like something was trying to rip her heart out. And thinking for that only resulted in her thinking about the life she couldn't go back to, the life she had loved so dearly and because of Henry lost, how cruel she felt as if she was betraying them, but trying to go back would only hurt her and them far more. So that was it she couldn't go back and Lyn already knew she'd never get over Lucas there was no choice she'd have to act just like him, nothing happened so they could carry on as normal, then when the time came she would go after Henry and that would be the end of everything, to the family she lost she was already dead, it would be best if she was truly that way to everyone. 

* 

Lucas walked the corridors even unable to face the bed he'd woke up next to Lyn in though he had fallen back to sleep after about ten minutes of watching her. Would that be the last time he'd ever get to watch her sleep? It seemed so natural to wake up next to her, weather it was because of the night before, or because he just needed her there next to him, he would have given anything for it to be every morning for the rest of his life. 

Ash's words came creeping back into his mind capturing all thought of future happiness with Lyn, was he right? And did Lyn see it too? Would other people think just as Ash did, that Lyn was not human anymore, that they would never truly be happy and that all they would ever get is hardship, never being able to live in one place, or never around to many people having to leave all friends and family behind.  

But wasn't that what he'd already chosen to do, he could never go back now he'd be just as persecuted as Lyn for leaving the army and running off with her, weather it was simply just to keep her safe, or much more. 

Lucas though now believed he had done far more damage between him and Lyn then could be fixed over any short period of time and if she truly was to kill herself what could he do. Lucas could only believe that it would be as much down to him as her wanting to make sure no one ever got hold of her to do harm again. What Lyn had said seemed to come straight from his mind and it screamed in his head, her words were all he could hear and the longer they went on the more Lucas hated himself. But even though he had thought them it wasn't what he was going to say. 

The truth was even after this short time Lucas did love Lyn, he wanted her and only her, she was his one as much as he was hers and their night together had been perfect, not only because for him it had been over three years, but because no one had ever made him feel like she did, it definitely was no seedy one night stand as Lyn thought that's all he took it as. He would never have said the things she thought he was about to, he wanted to tell her that he really did love her too, that they'd find away to be together, that no matter what others thought she was the one he wanted, but now how would that ever be. 

Now Lucas felt he would be lucky to get so much as a hello out of Lyn, he knew she was crying somewhere alone somewhere he couldn't go and they were the first tears since they been together he couldn't wipe away. Lucas desperately need some way to take those words back, he may not have said them but Lyn got his doubts about them right doubts that would never have been there if Ash wasn't always finding the need to stick his nose in about Lyn, he needed to tell her the truth he knew they would never be able to pretend for long that she was completely human, but if he could just make her see how stupid he'd been for not making her listen to what he really wanted to say and that he would do what it took to make a life together then his heart would be magically glued back together, because right now there was nothing but shattered peaces. What did it matter what she was it wasn't like he'd of known if he had not been told she was no longer really human and either way he loved her, but what life would they have if people did find out, moving off if need be but that would be no life for any children they may have if she even could anymore after what Henry had her turned into. Though it hurt more then life itself Lucas at least for then deiced it best to leave things as they were, they'd get over it and hopefully still be friends so that was the end of it then for now things would be left as is, just until he could find some perfect way to sort it out, to make her see she was wrong about his intentions that he truly loved her as much as she loved him.

Hope you like, please let me know what you think, thanks Tym xx