Para sa Second Chance

Chapter 59 - Every broken piece of me

Pammy.

"The results are still the same Pammy but never lose hope. We'll keep trying."

I'm losing my grip. Anim na buwan ko nang naririnig yan at anim na buwan na akong umaasa.

"Doc, anim na buwan na tayong ganito. I have been doing everything that you've been telling me to do pero wala pa rin nangyayari. Nakakapagod, pagod na pagod na ako."

"You know from the start that this will be tough right? It would be so much easier if Chinno is with you in this fight. Chinno will help you with..." I cut the doctor off.

"He's out of the picture Marj. Ayokong idamay siya sa mga pagkukulang ko. He deserves a child and I want to give him one. Kahit anong kapalit basta mabigyan ko siya ng anak." I couldn 't stop myself from crying, ang sakit na. Ang sakit sakit na.

Ubos na ako, ang dami nang panahon, emosyon at pera na naubos para sa laban na 'to. In six months time, ikakasal na kami at kailangan ko nang mabuntis.

"Isa lang naman Marj eh, isang anak lang. Bakit hindi pa ako napagbigyan?!" I can hear my voice breaking.

"Pammy..."

"Ganon ba talaga kahirap ang hiling ko? Ganon ba talaga kahirap maging masaya?"

"Pammy... mas makakasama sa'yo ang stress. Please calm down. I'm here to help you."

"You've been helping me since day one and we've been trying so hard to make this work. Pa'no ko masisigurado na kapag lumaban pa ako, mananalo na ako?"

"Pammy..." I cut her off again.

"Tapatin mo nga ako Marj. Hindi bilang doktor kundi bilang kaibigan. Even the slightest improvement, meron ba?"

I braced myself. Kahit sa puso ko alam ko na ang sagot, I had to toughen my heart. I had to keep my heart from breaking. Kasi, I love Chinno so much that even with the slightest pinch of hope, I'll continue to try fighting. Even if this will break me, even if I fall apart. I will do everything with every broken piece of me.

"Marj, please." I begged when she didn't answer. "Marj... parang awa mo na. Ititigil ko na, lalaban pa ako kung kailangan, sabihin mo lang kung anong dapat kong gawin. Parang awa mo na."

Natigilan siya but I know she would answer. That's the reason why I waited for her to answer. Lalaban pa ako kung magkakaron ako ng rason para lumaban.

"I'm sorry Pammy."

But some fights are not worth fighting for anymore, not only because you got tired, but because it took everything you have, even every broken piece of you to win... or try to win.
***********

2 months later

Alex.

"AM, tingnan mo 'to oh. Super cute! Bagay 'to kay baby Hannah Amaya!" I showed AM the baby pink tutu skirt na bagay na bagay sa baby girl niya.

"Alex infant clothes ang pinunta natin dito, hindi yang mga pangtoddler." reklamo ni buntis.

AM is running eight months now at malaki na yung tiyan niya. We were at the nearest mall and buying baby clothes. Malapit na din naman siya manganak kaya nagre-ready na din kami. We were supposed to bring Hermes with us pero nasa shooting pa. Ayos lang naman kay buntis na ako lang ang kasama niya, baka daw pagkaguluhan pa si Hermes bilang artista nga siya.