MANGO FRUIT SHAKE
I remembered how it was so awkward when Landon from the movie 'A Walk to Remember' is walking Jamie home. That's how I feel now. Looking sideways at Niccolo. I don't know how to act or talk beside him. So I just walked silently.
Niccolo kept on walking beside me moving his hand from brushing his hair to putting it inside his pants' pocket and back again to his hair then back inside his pocket. The first sign. The fidgeting.
I've seen them in movies. How when a guy is walking a girl home and stops just right outside her door to get a goodnight's kiss after a very romantic date. Well one thing is for sure. It wasn't a romantic date and there'll be no kissing or smooching or smacking or exchanging of salivas tonight.
He keeps on talking non stop about ten minutes of the walk then suddenly just keeps on stuttering, jumping from one topic to another until he goes full on quiet. While I stayed silent and just nodded my head. The next sign. The quietness.
We were already near the house and walking up the few steps when he moved his hand on the little of my back. Guiding me. Touching me softly. The warmth on his hand traveling on my back. Spreading like electricity and wild fire. The third sign. The body contact.
Huminto ako sa tapat ng gate at ganoon din siya. I've never really felt so intimidated and nervous in my life. He's so close. So close that it's making me so hard to even breathe. I looked at him and studied his face. Parang habang lalong tumatagal ko siyang nakakasama ay lalo lang siyang gumagwapo. I always wonder how I look in his eyes. How he sees me. Nandidiri kaya siya sa sobrang taba ko? This thought just makes me so sad.
"So...." He said words hanging in midair. He looked down on me. I can see his eyes getting soft and glinting from the lamp post's light. His eyes moving from looking on my eyes down to staring at my lips. And I can't help but stay still. My breath catching in my throat.
I've seen them so many times in movies that made me really wonder how it was like to be walked home and be kissed right outside your door. The feeling of having some guy steal a kiss from you.
I sighed and looked down at my big pink doll shoes. Pati paa ko malaki. I sighed again.
No. I'm not some girl in some movies. I reminded myself. I'm not the sexy, flawless and beautiful leading lady on some romantic movie. I'm not Jamie who eventhough wears the same sweatshirt over and over again and has Leukemia and was about to die but still looks hot. I'm more of like the ugly fat bestfriend of some sexy, flawless and beautiful girl who is more of an additional cast rather than the star. And in movies there aren't any fat girl who was ever walked home and was kissed by a dashing handsome guy right outside her door. No. I smiled bitterly to myself.
Tumingala ako at nagsalita bago pa mangyari ang iniisip kong mangyayari. Masyado naman din yata akong assuming na gusto akong halikan ng isang sikat at gwapong basketball player sa school namin. Who am I anyway? I'm just fat Saab. "Pasok na ako. Salamat ulit." Sabi ko at agad na siyang tinalikuran. Pagkapasok ko ay sinara ko agad ang gate. Sumandal ako sa malamig na bakal ng aming gate at napapikit.
"I'll see you on Monday, Sabrina." I heard him say from the other side of the gate. Nanatili lang akong nakasandal at nakapikit. Tahimik lang akong nanatili doon bago narinig ang mga yapak niyang palayo.
I must have been out of my mind to even think he wants to kiss me. To even think the impossible.
"Saab anak? Ikaw na ba yan?" Narinig kong tawag ni papa mula sa kusina. Sa sala pa lang ay amoy na amoy ko na ang niluto niyang ulam.
Busog ako pero ewan ko ba pag may nakahaing pagkain sa akin ay hindi ko matanggihan. Para bang tinatawag ako ng mga pagkain na kainin ko sila. Food always look appealing to me. Kahit na kakakain ko lang o busog pa ako eh basta may pwedeng kainin ay kakain ako.
