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FROZEN RAINBOW POPSICLE
Friends can break hearts too. And I have been broken far too many times.
I have been staring at my textbook for the last two hours. Staring. Tears streaming down my face. After that encounter I had with Jen, Abi and Trix at the library, I couldn't stop myself from crying. The ugly silent type of crying. The type of crying you never want anyone from hearing. The one you'd like to keep for yourself. My thoughts wandered on. From what I did wrong. From wondering if I am that hard to be accepted. To be loved.
For the last few months I had with them felt like a bliss. Like a dream. None of it really happened. Me eating together with them. Laughing at their jokes or stories. Helping them fit a cute outfit for a date. Watching basketball games with them.
The thing is we look at things differently. Well now, looking back. I stifled another cry. I grabbed a tissue from my nightstand. I dried up my tear-streaked face. But now, looking back I noticed the tiny details. That I'm more of a filler than a friend. I was there with them to observe, to look, to listen. I am just an audience. Like the hundreds of audience who admired them, stared at them and idolized them. Like a dog scampering on their feet when summoned by a master. Happy to be granted too little of an attention or time.
I closed my textbook. Nothing. I can't even memorize a single word. I couldn't understand anything.
Pabagsak akong humiga sa higaan. I stretched my aching legs. Pinunasan ko ng mga matatabang daliri ko ang mga luhang natira sa aking matambok na pisngi. Who would have thought high school could be this bad. There are all sorts of evils and witches. Natawa ako. Gusto kong matawa na maiyak kung paano akong naging tanga.
Napukaw ang atensiyon ko ng isang tawag mula sa aking cellphone. Inabot ko iyon at umayos ng higa.
"Hello?" I sounded muffled. Barado na ng sipon ang ilong ko.
"Hey baby? Are you alright? Were you crying?" Niccolo sounded so worried.
I tried clearing my throat. And change my tone. He can really pick up fast.
"No-no. Kagigising ko lang kasi. Saka sinisipon ako." Pagdadahilan ko.
"May sakit ka?" He asked so softly. I can imagine the crease on his forehead as he spoke. His soft warm hands planting softly on my forehead to check for my temperature. His long dark brows that very much complimented his dark eyes. His dark eyes looking intently at me. Examining me. Passionately.
Umiling ako. I broke from my trance. "Hindi. Okay lang ako. Wala akong sakit. Sinipon lang." Paliwanag ko.
"Uminom ka na ng gamot. Baka magkasakit ka. Second game na namin bukas. Sa home court pa rin ng Jaguars gaganapin. I'll wait up for you, after your exams." Paalala ni Niccolo.
"Ummm... Niccolo about the game. Is it okay if I don't come?"
There was silence on the other side. It was a minute or two.
