Dark Innocence

Ch. 8 - Pros and Cons

I went mental.

That's the only term I could think to describe my reaction when Nate dropped the bomb. Fortunately, I didn't trash the lovely house or even the living room. At least I think I didn't. 

I just found us standing while I'm being crushed at Nate's chest, hugging me tightly as he racks us back and forth. He kept whispering my name, as if calling for my attention. His head was again buried at the crook of my neck.

"Sophia, Angel, please come back to me." he whispers, his hold was gentle but the urgency of his voice gave out his building nervousness. I want to respond and comfort him by saying I'm fine. But I'm not. I'm so not freaking fine.

Everything was not fine.

I feel as if everything I knew about myself was not real. To think I've always thought that I've been handling myself best. That nobody knew about my whole being but me, and only me. I took pride on how great I've been living my life despite of the monsters I only knew about. Now, I feel like my own identity was a lie.

Messed up.

Everything was so messed up.

Confusion wasn't a choice now. My mind was as blank as a white sheet.

Suddenly, I felt something holding my thighs. It snapped me out from self-pitying. I looked down- which is quite hard when Nate's arms were still around me- and found a little boy hugging my thigh, Jason.

He's crushing his adorable, chubby face on the said part of my body, his little form was shaking, but I was wrong. A few more seconds of analysing, I confirmed that his doing his best to shake me using his whole body.

The sight completely sobered me. My whole consciousness was screaming for control against the pathetic thoughts that were swimming in my system. Blacking out? After I vowed that I would take every fact with understanding and openness, I ended blacking out? Yes, what Nate said was completely life changing. But my reaction was not me.

This is not me.

The fact that I learned something new about myself should not change me further.

"This is so stupid." I voiced out my thoughts, effectively surprising the two boys holding me. They both jumped violently, losing their hold on me at the process. Their face was so comical that a laugh escaped from me, giving them a more scare.

"She broke." Nate said in between my laugh. Jason just stood staring at me with a distressed and alarmed look on his face. "No, I didn't." I said as I collected myself. "I'm fine. Well not completely fine, but I'm better." I explained.

"Sorry for blacking out." I said sheepishly, tucking a fallen strand on my ear.

"You scared me. You completely zeroed for almost 20 minutes, Jason almost cried." Nate said with a relieved sigh. I nodded, still feeling ashamed. Jason looked up to me, his eyes were still unsure as he stares at me. Poor boy, in a span of one day he witnessed two adults to break down. So much for being a role model.

He reached his arms up, and out of reflex I crouched down and held him up. I saw Nate's eyes widen in surprise but I ignored it. As I comfortably carried Jason in my arms, he touched my face as he asked with that little voice of his "Are you okay?" I nodded, and forced a smile to assure him. Unluckily, he didn't buy it.

A frown crept to his cute pouty lips as he gave me a hug and snuggled to me closer. I forced everything in me to stop to go and say Aww. Instantly though, cute little Jason was snatched from me by Nate, he swiftly put the child down as he patted his head and gestured to leave the room.