Teach Me How to Love Again (Sequel to Dirty Little Secret)

Chapter 57: It's a Circle, a Mean Cycle

*~(The title of this chapter is from Ignorance by Paramore.)~*

To say things were miserable at Gerard's house would be a terrible understatement. All he seemed to do was drink, smoke and yell at me. All of the smoke in the air couldn't be good for the baby, and all of this fighting couldn't be good for me.

Gerard yelled at me for everything, and he was constantly making me feel small and insignificant. It was already taking its toll on me.

Frank tried so hard to get me to stay, and now I wish I would have taken him up on the offer. He told me it was a bad idea, but I told him I already knew that. I promised him that I was only temporarily staying with Gerard, and I'd definitely be back to living with Frank soon. He was happy about that, and so was I. I wasn't ready to lose him as my roommate forever yet.

Frank told me to constantly text him so he could stay updated and make sure I was alright. He assured me he'd come to rescue me if I needed it, and we were still going to walk to school together. I didn't want to ride to school with Gerard, so I'd have Frank instead. He says he'll bring Jamia, and maybe even Pete sometimes. Gerard might get pissed if Pete shows up, but I couldn't care less what he thinks. Especially not now.

Things were fine when Gerard first picked me up. I loaded my suitcase into his car, and we drove to his house in complete silence. After a few snide remarks, he stayed upstairs the rest of that night, just like he told me he would.

However, the next morning is when things got a bit more rough.

"Wake up," he groaned unhappily.

"Fuck off," I muttered.

"Wake up or I'm not taking your lazy ass to school."

"Good! I'll fucking walk," I mumbled.

"Good, you'll finally get some exercise for once," I heard him mutter as he sipped his coffee. I rolled my eyes, then I went to the bathroom to put my makeup and clothes on. When I was finally done with my morning routine, I hesitantly went back into the living room.

"Did you make any extra coffee?"

He let out a humorless chuckle. "Yeah right, as if I'd make any for you. I'm not here to pamper you. Make it yourself. Your legs aren't broken."

"Asshole," I mumbled.

"Oh, I'm the asshole? Have you looked in a fucking mirror lately? At least I'm not practically fucking my ex! I could have called up Eliza for a quick fuck, but I didn't! How do you explain what you've been doing with Pete?"

"You're a fucking dick! I'm not fucking Pete, you idiot! I have your baby! I only loved you! Why the fuck did you even want me to stay here? I'm not letting my child around somebody so fucking emotionally unstable."

"Just shut the fuck up! Don't you ever stop talking? God, you're so fucking irritating!" he yelled violently, which caught me off guard. Luckily for me, the doorbell rang before things got worse.

I answered the door and was met with a wide-eyed Frank and Jamia. They must have heard the screaming.

"Is everything okay?" Jamia asked.

I shook my head no. "Let's just go."

The three of us walked in silence. They were in shock, and I was a bit humiliated that they had to hear me being treated like that.

Much to my disapproval, I had to be the one to break the deafening silence. "I'm sorry you had to hear that. He's not usually like this," I lied.

"Yes he is, Sky. He's always like this. That's what worries me," Frank said.

"He's just a little stressed. He'll get better. He'll be back to normal soon," I said. I didn't know if I needed to convince Frank, or myself.

"You're pregnant. All that stress isn't good for the baby. No offense, Sky, but I think this is a bad idea. You have a baby to worry about now," Jamia said.

"I know it's a bad idea, but it's his baby too. I can't prevent him from seeing his baby. He has just as much of a right to this baby as I do."

"But you're the one with the baby in you. You have a right to do what's best for yourself," Jamia protested.

I shook my head again. "He'll only get more angry if I leave. I have to stay."

"But is he really the kind of person you want fathering your child? He'll scare the shit out of it. Do you really want your baby getting yelled at as much as you are?"

"He wouldn't do this to the baby. I'm the only one he hates. He's angry with me, so he's just getting that out. I get it. He has a right to be mad."

"He doesn't have a right to be mad! You didn't do anything! He's the one who dumped you!"

"Can we talk about this later? I'm not in the mood right now," I lied. I just wanted to change the subject.

"You can't hide from this problem, Sky. He's out of his fucking mind right now. You're not safe."

"It's not like he'd ever hit me."

"It doesn't matter. You're still not safe. You need to get out of there."

"I said no! I can't leave! I have to be an adult about this now! I'll be a mother soon, and I have to make good decisions!"

"But staying with Gerard isn't a good decision!"

"Just butt out! I'll be fine," I spat.

I was even becoming hostile towards my friends now. I don't know if it's all the stress, or the hormones from the pregnancy. All I know is that I do not like this. His hostility towards me is causing me to be hostile to everyone else. It's like an endless cycle of pain.