Teach Me How to Love Again (Sequel to Dirty Little Secret)

Chapter 30: The Heartache and the Utter Lack of Trust

*~(The title of this chapter is from Can't Save Her by Chantal Claret.)~*

*~Gerard's P.O.V.~*

I ended up making Sky a steak dinner at my place to celebrate last night. She thanked me a lot, then we cuddled on the couch until she fell asleep. I carried her up to my bed, and she slept on my chest.

I don't really like it when Sky spends the night here. Not that I don't like her around. No, I love having her around! It's just... It's almost awkward. I mean, she used to live here, but now she doesn't. It's almost awkward to have her sleep in the place she used to live.

This used to be our house, and now it's just mine.

Plus, I don't think she'll be moving in for a very long time. It's obvious she doesn't trust me as much as she used to. Sometimes she'll momentarily still look uncomfortable when I try to cuddle her. If I so much as mention anything sexual, she'll change the subject as fast as possible, and she'll just laugh it off. She doesn't trust me. That hurts, but I understand. I don't blame her for not trusting me. I just wish there was some way to make her believe I'd never wrong her again. I guess it's gonna take time.

I really do miss having her live here. I miss taking her to school with me every day, and just cuddling on the weekends. I miss making her coffee and breakfast every day. I miss waking her up and having her complain about it being too early no matter how late it is.

I miss when she lived with me, and that's why it's awkward when she spends the night.

I miss when this was our house. We'd cuddle on our couch, and we'd sleep and make love on our bed. Now whenever she accidentally calls something ours, she'll correct herself immediately.

Like yesterday, she mentioned the bed, and she started to call it "our bed" but she immediately stopped herself and said "your bed."

I had just woken her up for school, so now she was in the shower while I was making breakfast. I made pancakes and coffee for us. I tried my best to shape her pancake like a heart. If I have to be all romance 100% of the time to get her to trust me, I'll do it.

I put the heart shaped pancake onto her plate, then I added chocolate chips and a few strawberries. She came downstairs just as I had put her plate and mug of coffee on the table. She came up behind me and hugged me.

"Good morning, beautiful," I said, then I kissed her. She blushed and smiled into the kiss. I messed with her fingers absent-mindedly as we pulled away from the kiss.

Lately I had noticed this silver charm bracelet she always wears, but this is the first time I've gotten to see it up close. "Where'd you get this?" I asked. I was just curious. Okay, maybe part of me was paranoid that Pete may have bought it for her, but still.

"Oh. Frank, Mikey, Ray, Kristin, Denise and Frank's mom got it for me for my birthday," she explained.

I looked at it closely. "I like it. It looks good on you," I said, then I kissed her again. "I wish I could have gotten you something for you birthday."

"It's alright, honey. You didn't have to get me anything."

"No, it's not alright. Your eighteenth birthday was a really big day for both of us, because it's the day you became legal. I'm sorry I missed it."

"You really don't have to apologize."

"Shhh. I'm gonna make it up to you. I'll buy you a birthday gift soon. For now, go eat your breakfast. It's getting cold."

She looked down at her pancakes and smiled widely at me as she blushed. "You're so sweet. I love you," she said. I hugged her, then she ate her breakfast.

After she had finished everything, she kissed me. The kiss tasted like strawberries and chocolate because of the pancakes. When we pulled away, she had some chocolate on her face, so I licked it off, which made her do that adorable giggle of hers. It gives me butterflies when she giggles.

After that, we got into my car and I drove us to school. We ran to my classroom before anybody saw us.

We spent time together in my classroom until the bell rang.

I couldn't wait to have her in my class again.

I just wish I could make her trust me. It's obvious she doesn't, and that breaks my heart. I miss having her fully trust me.