Teach Me How to Love Again (Sequel to Dirty Little Secret)

Chapter 89

On the drive from my parents' house, Sky and I both stayed quiet, but the silence was killing me. I hated when she wouldn't talk to me. Right now, she wasn't even looking at me. She was just staring out the passenger window.

Eventually, I figured she must be mad at me, so I broke the deafening silence. "I'm so sorry, Sky," I started. "I feel like such a dick. This wouldn't have happened if I hadn't made you meet my parents. It's my fault you had a panic attack. I'm so, so sorry, baby."

"It's not your fault," she mumbled quietly. She didn't look away from the window.

"Are you sure? You seem kind of mad at me," I observed softly.

"I'm not mad at you," she protested, but she still wouldn't look at me.

"Then what's wrong, sweetheart? Is it what my parents said? You know that's not true. You know I love you more than anything, and I'm very serious about this relationship."

"I'm not mad at you," she repeated, then she finally turned to look at me. "I'm mad at myself."

Now I could see why she had been talking so softly and avoiding looking at me. She didn't want me to know that she had been crying. She sighed and attempted to wipe the tears from her face, but more kept falling to take their place.

"I ruin everything. You came here to make up with your parents, and if it weren't for me, it would have been successful. All I do is make life harder for you. You'd be doing so much better if you'd never started dating me. You'd still have a job, you'd be able to make up with your parents, and you'd probably be so much happier. All I've done for you is get you fired, miscarry your baby, and stop you from making up with your parents. I'm a curse."

My heart broke as I heard her being so hard on herself. I immediately pulled the car over into an empty parking lot so I could put my full attention on her.

"Hey, hey," I said, then I unbuckled her seat belt and lifted her over the center console so she could sit on my lap. I moved my seat back slightly so the steering wheel wouldn't cause her any discomfort. She immediately pressed her face against my chest and sobbed into my shirt as I hushed her and rubbed her back. I decided to let her let it all out before we discussed this.

"There we go. Let it all out," I cooed as I continued to rub her back. "That's my girl."

Eventually her crying had slowed, so I spoke. "Look at me," I muttered. She hesitantly looked into my eyes. "You do not ruin anything, okay? I know you've been through a lot of shit, but none of it is your fault. As for my parents, I don't care about that. The fact we didn't make up isn't your fault, and, even if it was, I'd choose you over them any day. You're more important to me than anything. I love you so much."

She didn't answer, but she did start crying again. I stroked her hair as she soaked my shirt with her tears.

"Gerard?" she asked after a while, then she pulled her face away from my chest. I wiped a few stray tears from her face.

"Hmm?"

"I miss my parents," she blurted. "I act like I don't because I don't want you to bring you down by be being sad all the time and I don't want you to regret being with me, but I really, really miss them. I didn't want to ruin this vacation but you bring me to meet your parents reminded me that I wish you could meet mine."

"Skylar, look at me," I said, then she returned to making eye contact with me. "There has not been a day that's gone by where I haven't been unbelievably proud of you for even getting up and functioning. I know you miss them, Sky. You don't have to hide that from me. I would never, ever regret being with you. Sure, you're sad sometimes, but everyone is. Before I met you, I was sad all the time, but you help me every single day. I can help you too, if you let me. You don't have to hide your sadness from me. I can help you."

"I'm sorry," she stated, then she began to repeat it over as she sobbed.

"Shhh. It's okay," I whispered. "Why are you sorry, baby? You didn't do anything wrong."

"You could have found happiness if it weren't for me, but now I've ruined everything."

"Skylar, you know that's not true. I wouldn't have found happiness without you, because you've made me the happiest I've ever been. Even when I'm feeling down, remembering that I can snuggle with, and fall asleep, and wake up next to you makes me feel so much better. Just knowing you're my girlfriend always makes me feel better. I know that you're mine to cuddle with, and kiss, and hold hands with, and tell all of my problems to. That's always enough to make me smile again."

"I just ruin everything, and you're gonna leave me eventually because I'll ruin this too!" she cried.

"Skylar, listen to me. I will never leave you, okay? In fact, if all goes well, I'm gonna marry you someday. Mrs. Way. How does that sound?"

She suddenly buried her head into the crook of my neck instead of my chest, then she placed a gentle kiss on the exposed skin. "I love you so much," she mumbled into my neck. "I'm sorry I'm so sad. I'm sorry you have to deal with this."

"I love you too, Sky," I stated. "And there's nothing to be sorry for, my love. It's okay to be sad. Someday, you'll get better. I'll make sure of it. You've just been through so much recently. Of course you're sad now, but, someday, you'll get better. I'll make sure of it. I'm here for you always."

"How did I get so fucking lucky?" she whispered.

"I ask myself that every day. I'm the lucky one," I said, then I kissed the top of her head. "Now, how about that ice cream?" I asked, and she laughed and nodded.

Skylar lightly kissed the tip of my nose, which made me laugh, then she climbed back into the passenger seat. I readjusted my seat, then I held her hand. She smiled at the contact.

I drove us off to the ice cream shop, and Sky was fine after that.

Or so I thought.

~

I wrote this like a year ago and I spent like 30 seconds editing it today. Excuse any mistakes, I just wanted to give you guys the update you deserve.

Before you say it, I know Skylar is being annoying here. That is my intention.

Final chapter coming soon!