Kinabukasan, hindi ako lumabas ng kwarto ko. Mabuti nalang at wala naman talagang pasok ngayon dahil sa event kagabi.
I am broken. Not just my heart but all of me. I kept thinking something is wrong with me. Hindi ako gusto ni Yohan dahil may mali sa akin.
My first attempt at love and I failed.
"Venny, okay ka lang ba? Hindi ka lumabas ng kwarto mo buong maghapon. Is everything okay? May masakit ba sayo? Magsabi ka lang para madala ka na namin sa hospital agad." Nagaalalang pahayag ni Mommy nang binisita ako nito sa aking kwarto ng hapon na.
Mom, it's pointless. No doctor nor medicine can cure this.
Gusto ko sanang isagot.
Binitawan ko ang hawak kong sketch pad at lapis upang ibigay dito ang atensyon ko. Umiling ako at tipid na nginitian siya para hindi na mag-alala pa sa akin.
"I am fine, mommy. It's just one of those days I wanna stay in and draw random stuff." Dahilan ko. Lumapit si Mommy at umupo sa gilid ng aking kama. Hinaplos niya ang aking mukha at inayos ang aking buhok. I probably look like a mess. Ngumiti siya matapos gawin iyon at sinilip ang aking sketch pad.
"What are you drawing?" Tanong nito patungkol sa drawing ko. Ngumiwi ako at naghanap ng sagot sa kanyang tanong. Honestly, I don't know what it is. It's random nothingness. Abstract. Just like how I'm feeling.
"I'm just scribbling, mom. Wala akong maisip iguhit. It's sort of an abstract drawing." Sagot ko habang ipinagpapaikot ikot pa ang sketch pad para sana maghanap ng kahit anong konkretong bagay doon na pwede kong ilarawan kay Mommy.
"Alright. Are you going to join us for dinner?" Tanong nito matapos. I shrugged.
"Sorry po. I wanna finish this tonight. Padalhan niyo nalang po ako ng food dito." Magalang kong sagot. Mom just nodded and smiled saying she understood. Tumayo na siya at nagpaalam na aasikasuhin na ang para sa dinner.
Nang makalabas na ito ay ibinalik ko ang atensyon sa ginuguhit at ipinagpatuloy ang pagperpekto sa isang pakurbang linya. Nakailang ulit na ako ng subok ngunit hindi pa din ito mukhang perpekto. I stopped and then stared at it for a minute before asking myself, is there really such thing as a perfect curve? Ano nga ba ang basehan ko para masabing perpekto na ito. Wala.
So, what I am doing is pointless. No matter how much we try to make things perfect we would always fail knowing there's no such thing.
I am not perfect. I may try to be one but in the end I know I'll only fail. And as one of my failures, I fell in love with my best friend. It is not a sin, never will be, but it is a living testimony of my imperfection.
I sighed then nagpasya akong burahin ang parte ng kurbang inulit-ulit ko. I drew a curve in one stroke and let it be kahit mukha pa rin itong tabingi sa paningin ko.
Naisip ko si Jean at kung gaano ko siya nilagay sa pedestal dahil lamang sa siya ang gusto ng taong mahal ko. I realized that it's not right. Never set someone else as your standard. Set yourself as your standard. Be you.
Sometimes, we just got to stop trying so hard and accept whatever we can do and whoever we are cause we are perfect as is.
Guhit lamang ako ng guhit at halos mapuno na ang buong papel, puro linya lang naman iyon but this time hindi ko na iniisip kung maganda o pantay o perpekto ba ang bawat kurba nito. I let out in this artwork my opinion of perfection and of love. This is the representation of my freedom to express what I feel. After being satisfied, I decided to color it in black and white.
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BINABASA MO ANG
Loving Bestfriend
RomantikCliché story of a girl who fell in love with her best friend. The boyish Veneia Angela Samonte fell in love with her best friend since birth, Yohan Vladimir Arevalo- the player. And the player fell in love with - oh no, not her but with some evil w...