walls | h.s

forty-three.

The drive to Harry's house was awkwardly silent. I was looking out of the window and every now and then you could hear Harry let out a sigh. The music was playing silently in the background.

"You really are still mad at me," he stated and I turned my head to look at him.

"No, I'm just pretending I am so we can have this awkward silence." I replied, sarcasm laced in my tone.

He sighed loudly and asked, "What can I do for you to forgive me?"

I rolled my eyes. What could he do? Nothing, that's the answer, I didn't exactly know why I even went with him. I would say I had a weak moment back at my house, and that was partly true, but there was another reason I agreed going with him.

I love him, that's it. And even though he hurts me and breaks my heart, I need him, more than he'll ever need me.

I hated to say it because I always wanted to be an independent woman who can do things on her own, who doesn't need someone to be satisfied with her. But that just wasn't me, as much as I wanted it to be.

Looking at Harry made my heart ache. I couldn't believe that he brought a girl home to have sex with her just because he was jealous. I haven't really thought about that before. Well, technically I did but I tried to avoid thinking about it.

"Nothing. You can do nothing." I finally answered and after that everything went back to being silent.

I got out of the car as soon as it was parked, not giving Harry a chance to open the door for me. Just because I was staying at his house again didn't mean that I forgave him, I was still pissed. But I take his place over my abusive father.

"When are you gonna stop being mad at me?" Harry asked, frustration laced in his voice.

"I'm hurt, that's not gonna go away as fast as you would want it to, Harry." I told him.

"I said I'm sorry, what else can I do? You know that I was drunk and it was a mistake, you don't need to be hurt by-"

"Stop," I raised my hand to make him stop speaking. "I have every right to be mad because what you did is cheat on me. I don't care if you were drunk or not, the fact that you brought a girl home, having the intention to fuck her, is what hurts me." He opened his mouth to say something but I wasn't done just yet. "You already freaked out because Andrew kissed me, imagine how I feel."

"I can't change what I did," he ran a hand through his hair. "I shouldn't have done what I did; do you think I don't feel fucking terrible about it?" I looked at the ground and pursed my lips. "Can't we just go back to how it was?"

"That's easier said than done," I shook my head and Harry finally unlocked the door and opened it, letting me in first. "You can't- Well at least I can't pretend like it never happened."

"Okay," he said and he sounded hurt. I felt kind of bad but at the same time I had every right to react the way I did, I could've reacted worse.

I took off my shoes and I could hear Anne's voice after Harry closed the door, making a thud echo through the house. "You're already back home, I thought you'd be gone-"

She cut herself off as soon as she saw us and she looked quite shocked. "I didn't think you'd be here Rose," a smile tugged at the corner of her lips and she went in to hug me.

"Do you want a cup of tea?" she asked us after she pulled away from the hug and I nodded.

Harry shook his head. "No," he replied. "I'm going over to Stan's for a while; we have some work to do." He turned towards me, chewing on his bottom lip nervously.