walls | h.s

thirty-two.

Monday was terrible, as usual. I do not see the points of Mondays, literally everyone hates them.

Since I've started hanging out with Harry more often and he just kissed me in the middle of the lunchroom, girls started giving me dirty looks. I remember clearly when this one girl –I forgot her name- came to me and told me about how she's already hooked up with Harry and how he was just using me.

I understand that other girls are interested in Harry. He is really handsome; he's got the hair, the dimpled smile, the emerald eyes, the tall and muscular figure, the big hands and everything. Plus he's mysterious and which girl doesn't love a mysterious boy?

I was –still am- interested in him too, obviously. It's the mysteriousness that makes you wonder what this person really is like and once you get to know him, you are literally blown away. I have never imagines him to have such an amazing personality, I didn't even really expect him to open up to me, but I'm glad that he did. Of course I thought he's really hot, but what captivated me was his personality.

I tried to ignore the nasty looks that I got from other girls and just tired to do my thing, the last thing that I needed is a fight. It's been like this for a while, girls giving me dirty looks, and even though I should be used to it by now, I wasn't. It was just weird to get this amount of attention from other people, especially if it's in a negative way. I knew they were jealous, if another girl was with Harry, I'd be too.

But am I even with Harry? We're not together, not in a relationship and he's not my boyfriend. We were something. It was quite strange for me how he didn't want us to have a label because it was just something that was new to me, but I understood him somehow.

Relationships are complicated, that's for sure. What Harry and I have is just something. It's undefined. We have feelings for each other, at least I do, and we do everything a couple would do, but we just don't give it too much thought. We enjoy our moments together and just live for the moment, not really caring about the future.

I've only caught a glimpse of Harry this morning but I haven't talked to him.

"You know what?" Ana asked me as we walked to our Lunch table. "Hmm?" I hummed in response.

"We should really go out partying again sometime, I feel like you need to loosen up a bit, and you seem to be so stressed lately, have a little fun!" I frowned at the idea. I wasn't a big fan of partying, and I really didn't feel like it.

"I don't need to loosen up, everything's fine in my life I don't get why you would-"

"You do seem stressed." Cassidy cut me off and I turned my head to her side. "We haven't spent that much time together lately and it would be nice to have girls' night out and maybe sleepover later, we really need to catch up with some things."

I knew I was stressed, how could I not be? I found out that my parents adopted me, I have a thing going on with Harry that I would love to develop into a relationship but he doesn't want to, I found out that he does illegal work, I fell in love with him, I had a fight with my parents and my dad hit me which ended up with Harry beating him up, on Friday I almost got raped and I saw how Harry had a gun held to his face, almost getting killed. And that all happened just within a few months.

So yes, I am quite stressed.

"I really don't want to go, you can go but I'll stay at home."

"Why?" Ana whined.

"Andrew won't come with us, don't worry." Cassidy added and even though I was thankful for that, I still didn't feel like going.

"Maybe another time, yeah?" I looked at them with a smile but they seemed to be disappointed, which I understood, but I just didn't want to go. I feel so out of place when I'm at parties with Ana and Cassidy because they just go and flirt with boys, get drinks from them and I always sit awkwardly at the bar.