walls | h.s

twenty-four.

"I need to talk to you," My voice was much shakier than I expected it to be and a small part of me was mad at myself for seeming so weak and scared. But the other part of me was indeed scared.

My parents were different than my friends, they were really demanding and they didn't let me decided things on my own. I had to do what they wanted to and it didn't really matter to them whether I was happy with it or not. The fear of not knowing how they would react almost killed me. I have to tell them, it's my future and I don't want to do something that I don't want to and be unhappy. Like Harry said, it was my life and my decisions.

You would think that parents want their child to be happy and do what they want to. But with my parents it was different; they've basically planned my life since I was little. They always told me how they want me to become a lawyer and that they don't want me to become anything else. At the beginning I thought it was a good idea but that changed once I got into my teen years. I realized that it's not what I want and that I'm not interested in it at all. But I knew my parents wouldn't like me doing something else.

I didn't want them to be disappointed so I never told them. I left them little hints, saying that I find art really interesting and such things, but they never seemed to take the hint. They were oblivious to what I wanted and they were selfish for thinking that what they wanted me to do was the best for me.

I always did what my parents told me, I was always a good girl and never caused much trouble. I never told my parents that they were wrong, especially because I was terrified of my fathers' reactions. If I do something he doesn't like, he'll hit me. It was wrong in so many ways but I never had the guts to tell anyone. When I was younger he used to threaten me, he told me that if I told anyone that he was abusive he would make everything worse. It was messed up.

So I never told anyone. I kept it to myself and tried to hide the bruises that he caused. I didn't even tell my mum. I knew that she noticed though, she was aware of the fact that my dad had a really short temper and that he hit me. But she never said anything. I didn't know if she was scared of him or if it was something she grew used to.

But despite it all, I still loved them. They were my parents after all. There were times where my dad was in a good mood; times where he wasn't abusive, time where we were like a real family. Back in America my dad used to take me fishing and I always loved it. He wasn't always an asshole.

I was angry. Angry because through all those years I never stood up for myself. I let him abusive me not only physically but also emotionally. The bruises that I got weren't the worst part of it; the worst parts were the several nights I cried myself to sleep. I learned that I didn't have a saying in my life and that I wasn't allowed to make my own decisions and I let them go through with it. But what else should I have done?

I couldn't tell anyone, I was way too terrified to do that. But the older I got, the more I realized that this had to change. I knew I had to tell them what I wanted and that they can't decide what I do in my life, but I just never had enough courage to. I knew that disobeying them meant getting punished and getting punished meant my father hitting me. I always tried to avoid getting in those situations.

But now was the time that I had to tell them. They needed to realize that they can't control my life and that I want to make my own decisions. I always knew that I had to tell them but when Harry told me that I should do what I want, realization hit me. If I wouldn't tell them I would have to do something that I don't enjoy doing and that would lead to me being unhappy and having a future that my parents planned for me.

My mum and dad both eyed Harry with unpleased looks and then their gaze fixed upon me. I smiled awkwardly and sat down on the couch, pulling Harry with me. My parents were sitting opposite of us and I was glad that Harry was by my side, I don't know if I could do this without him. Having him with me gave me some sort of comfort.