It All Started With A Kiss

John Cena Makes Fun Of Nexus On Raw

This week went by so fast with interviews and autograph signings up to SummerSlam. It's once again Monday night Raw, the night after SummerSlam. Mike, Alex and I were backstage in the lockeroom watching the show. First we saw Nexus come out.

"I really don't like them." I say outloud.

"Hey I've known half those guys since FCW." Alex responds.

Wade as usual was running his mouth, but then John Cena comes out. John Cena was one of my favorite Raw superstars, alongside Mike of course.

"I must say I'm impressed. No, no, no it's because Wade Barret. He talks such a big game, I mean he has to, he's the fearless leader of Nexus. He's got the resolve of Winston Churchill. And he's as tough as Snookie from the Jersey Shore." John says making fun of Wade.

I'm sitting there with Alex and Mike just laughing cause that was funny. Especially with the look of Barret's face when John said that. John goes to say something but ends up laughing.

"Wade I only say that, because last night you tapped out."

That was true, Wade tapped out last night at SummerSlam.

"You tapped out. Apparently all these people saw SummerSlam too, what happened was you tapped out, you caused team Nexus to lose at SummerSlam. And now you're out here trying to talk about well the loss will make us bigger. It will make us stronger. Wade it's a lie, right now you're really thinking to hell with Stallone, Willis and Austin, the Nexus are the expendables."

"I bet they think that of themselves too." I say outloud to Mike and Alex.

"And after that surprise last night, I bet you are kicking yourself directly in the fish and chips thinking, why did I get rid of Daniel Bryan?" He said in a funny tone.

"See because when Daniel Bryan joined team WWE last night at SummerSlam, he eliminated half of the Nexus by himself."

"That's true." I also say outloud.

"For weeks now the Nexus has been viewed as a group, an indestructible group, and after SummerSlam, one thing was made clear. You are human. You can be beat. So tonight, tonight we're going to do something we've never done before. Instead of looking at you guys as a group, we're going to look at you as individuals. And Wade, you may want to pay close attention because you may find some flaws and find out where you went wrong. We'll take David Otunga."

They all look down at David, as he stares intently at John.

"You see, David happens to be nothing more than a below average male escort who clings to someone's arm on the red carpet."

That makes us laugh just a little bit.

"So proud of you Dave, you've come so far. And Tarver, well to be quite honest, Tarver looks like some sort of MMA bank robber who works late nights as a male stripper. Those trunks get any smaller, we're going to have to change the rating of this show."

Now that made me laugh a little bit more. That was funny, and to see his reaction to that was priceless too.

"And is that uh, is that Heath Slater? Or the chick from Wendy's?"

Now that made me laugh even harder. I burst out laughing when the picture came up on the screen of his face with the pigtails. Alex and Mike burst out laughing too.

"I'll let you be the judge on that one." John added.

Then a Wendy's chant started, and that made him laugh even more.

"This must be Monday Night Raw, we just got a Wendy's chant. That leaves me to Darren Young. This one hits, this one hits a little bit close to the chest. You see because the very existance of Darren Young has proved my mother true of all these years. I thought she was lieing but she actually did have a lusty affair with Buckwheat." John jokes about Darren Young.

"Oh my god, this is funny." I say to Alex and Mike.

"Then there's Justin Gabriel. I don't, I don't know much about Justin Gabriel except that he has an alternative way of thinking. For those of you who didn't get it, I'll be at the late show to explain. Skip, you look like that was over your head. You didn't get it? Wait no, don't even say a word. You see, you're easy. I took a mind reading course in college, I can read your thoughts. Right now you're thinking...meow meow meow meow, meow meow meow meow, meow meow meow meow, meow meow meow meow, tugboat." Then blows a raspberry.

I crack up at that too.

"Like I said Wade, the Nexus is nothing more than human. The fear that you have enstilled in the lockeroom is gone. Your psychological edge that you are some sort of indestructible force working for a higher power, see you bye! You lost last night Wade and Staples Center, Summerslam will forever be known as the place that Nexus was history!"

"Cena you don't know what you're talking about!" Darren butts in.

Then he said something about his mother's celebrity crush. Couldn't fully understand it but it was funny.

"You see you tapped out too. As a matter of fact, you gave up in under a minute. You want to cut to the chase? Your name shouldn't be Darren Young, your name should be the weakest link."

Nexus is in the ring discussing things and whatever. Then the 'ding' from the general manager comes up. Michael Cole stands up and walks to the GM stand.

"Can I have your attention please, I have recieved email from the general manager. And I quote, Nexus may claim they are stronger than ever. But those words are going to be put to a test. We're going to continue Summerslam tonight. Each member of Nexus will compete against members of team WWE in a series of matches this evening. Outside interference by Nexus members will be met with swift and appropriate consequences."

"No, no, no. Now that's not a form of punishment, that's after last night an oppurtunity for redemption. It's also a chance for us to examine the Nexus." Wade replies.

Then everyone in the arena starts chanting. "You tapped out!"

"Apparently Wade, you're going to need a whole lot of redemption after last night, because all these people know that you tapped out." John Cena says back.

"Thank you very much for that interjection. It is a chance for us to examine the Nexus see indeed if there are any weak links here. And believe me if there are weak links, they will be weeded out. Because let me tell you this right now. If anybody in the Nexus is not victorious tonight, they will be exiled from the group." Wade explains.

"They should all be exiled. Can't stand them." I say to Mike and Alex.

"And one way or another, at the end of tonight, the Nexus will be stronger than ever." Wade concludes.

David Otunga comes up and takes the mic and starts talking to Wade.

"Shoot that's fine by us Wade. But just know that also applies to you. If you lose your match tonight, any one of us would be more than happy to take over." He hands the mic back to Wade.

Another 'ding' by the general manager goes off.

"Regis Philbin with the emails Cole, what is it now?" John aks jokingly.

"I have recieved another email from the general manager." Michael Coles says.

No really Michael Cole? That ding usually means that it's from the general manager.

"Wow does he think we're all stupid or something?" I ask.

"One last thing Nexus. You can choose amongst yourselves who to face on team WWE. Except for Wade Barret. Mr. Barret will compete next against his former mentor from NXT Chris Jericho."

Then the theme music for Raw sounds signalling a commercial.

"Well guys, tonight should be a very interesting night. I can't believe the jokes Cena cracked on Nexus. That was just too much." I say to Miz and Alex.

"I agree, he was funny." Alex agreed.