Shattered..

Chapter 45

Ashley..

I was woken up in the middle of the night by Jessica's loud crying. I haven't slept properly since she was born. Every night is the same, she keeps crying nonstop. I tried everything, I even contacted her doctor about it, but nothing seems to be wrong. I just wish that someone would tell me what to do because this is driving me crazy. 

I sat in a my big chair holding her in my hands rocking back and forth as she looked at me with her big hazel color eyes. She looked just like her father, everything of her reminded me of Justin. Sometimes I wish that he would be here..I just need a little help with her and I'm not talking about the money. My bank account was full with Justin's money witch I never used, he sent me money every month and as I said..I never touched any of it. 

Daniel wasn't a big helper because every time he tried to take Jess from me she started crying, and it takes around two hours till she calms down. Jessica doesn't like much people around. Sarah is actually the only person she feels comfortable with. 

I actually found my own place so I could rise my daughter without disturbing anyone, Sarah begged for me to stay but since she got a new boyfriend I decided to give them some space. Daniel and I started dating about 5 months ago. I gave him a chance and actually I regret my decision. He is the guy that every girl would dream about, but the thing is that I am not that girl. I'm trying so hard to give him the love he deserves..I'm trying so hard to catch some feelings towards him, but every time I want to take our relationships to the next level, something seems to drag me back down. I feel so stupid for doing this to him, I know that it hurts him every time he tells me how much he loves me and I just stand there smiling like an idiot. 

It has been so long since I broke up with Justin but I still catch myself thinking about the times we were a thing. Yes it may sounds crazy, but I miss him, I miss that beautiful smile of his. I'm not angry at him anymore, Of course I haven't forgot about the shit he's done to me, it still hurts but that's the past. I forgive him but that doesn't mean that I would take him back if he'd show up at my front door and beg me for another chance. I just wish that one day he would come around and actually make an effort to see his daughter. She needs a loving father, she needs to feel the love from him. I've heard about the horrible things hes done this past year. I feel sorry for him, I really do. Justin needs help, he needs to realize that out there is people who really wants the best for him.

What am I suppose to tell Jessica when she gets bigger, that her father is a drug addicted pop-star? That he never actually was there for her? That he forgot about her? I wish that I could punch him in the face and bring him back to reality. He is so busy fucking sluts and partying that he forgot about his kid, I bet that he don't even now the name or even the sex of his kid. 

Suddenly I felt a hand on my shoulder snapping me out of my daze, I turned around seeing half asleep Daniel looking down to us. I was so deep in my thoughts that I haven't realize that it's been already 6 AM and I've been sitting in this chair for more than three hours. I stood up carefully making sure that I don't wake up my little baby girl and slowly put her back in her crib. I walked out of her room leaving a little gap between the door and frame open so I could  hear if she wakes up again. I made my way to the kitchen and was about to make some breakfast for Daniel but he stopped me as soon as I opened our fridge. 

"Babe, what the hell are you doing?" He asked taking my hand and bringing my body closer to his. "I was about to make you some breakfast. Why?" I asked with a confused expression covering my face.

"I'll be okay, but you have to go back to sleep. You've been up since 2 AM, I'm sorry for saying this but you look like a shit. You need to get some rest baby. I wish that I could help you with Jess, I really do..it kills me to see you like this." He said holding my face and kissing my forehead afterwards.