Pregnant at 14

Ch 45

September 10, 2015

Trent was on speaker while I fixed my hair in the mirror, the open window let the wind had blown it all over the place. I wanted to at least look presentable

"Where are you?" He asked

"I'm visiting a friend" I simply replied, keeping my tone light despite my heavy chest

From the driver side, Gabriel gripped the steering wheel casually. Sunglasses covered his face

"You have friends?" Trent asked from the phone while I began to open the door, giving one last glance at the babies

"Bye, Trent" I replied then closed the door and the phone simultaneously

"I don't" I whispered to myself

The cemetery gates were wide open, inviting me to the yard of death

I releculantly took a step forward, then pushed another until I was full on walking

It didn't take long to find it, it was the only one with bright, fresh white flowers

"Hannah Keller, 2000-2015, beloved sister and daughter"

My finger reached out and touched the encrusted words in the callous cement

It was time to accept it, she's dead, the longer I pretend the longer it'll hurt

I couldn't help it, I dropped to my knees in front of the tomb, my finger still on the words

Hannah is dead

I'll never see her face again, she's not in some camp in the middle of nowhere, she's right here, six feet under me

My hand curled up, I shouldn't feel bad "why did you do it hannah? Why? Why did you do this to me? Why did you do this to yourself?" I leaned my head against the hard tombstone "we had plans Hannah, we were supposed to be friends-friends forever but your-your forever was shorter than mine" a single tear slipped "and I don't know what to do right now, I just feel so alone and lost and I need a friend and you're right here with me but I can't see you or feel you. I'll talk and talk and talk you won't reply" A sob climbed It's way up my throat "because you're dead" I chocked "and I'm still breathing"

I took a shuddering breath

"You would have been back by now, and you would have been freaking out about your outfit for the first day of school, and even if we wouldn't be talking you would be alive and that's all that matters, and I would just be...surviving, for the babies, because if they didn't exist, I'd be right there wherever you are now"

I threw my head back, the blue sky and shining sun expressed everything I didn't feel inside

I didn't feel life, or blue clouds, or the bright sun, my world was just grey the only source of colors being the two little babies back in the car

"I shouldn't depend on everyone so much, Trent wants to go far away and travel, Tanner will get a girlfriend or even wife soon and leave me and I'll be alone again like at the hospital, and my grandparents, they're old, they'll die soon, I want to be strong but I-I don't know how"

I sat in silence, my head leaning against the tombstone awaiting for a reply that will never come, a sign, anything

Anything

The silence dragged on, not a single leaf rustled

"Heh look at me, I must be going crazy" I laughed sarcastically which turned into a heart wrenching cry "I'm talking to a dead person"

I got up from the ground and kissed my two finger tips then touched her name giving a silent goodbye

The sleeve of my loose jumper worked as a tissue as I got into the car