The Story of Us // L.S

Forty.

Songs for this chapter are:

*Diana // One Direction

*Standing in the Dark // Lawson

*Stolen Moments // The Vamps

*

"Haz, wake up." My eyes fluttered open as the shock of someone jabbing me in my cheek scared me awake. I moaned and stretched my legs out, pulling Louis' with them before they snapped back into their original position. I was surprised it was still dark out and moaned again before responding to Louis, who was still poking me in the cheek.

"What time is it?"

"I don't know I just missed you." I burst out laughing in his face and rolled over, freeing my left leg from his grip. "Are you 41 or 14?"

"I wish I was 14 again. Being old is scary." He rolled over on to his front and propped himself up on his elbows. I continued to lie on my back while staring up at the ceiling. "You're not old."

"That's easy for you to say Haz, you're still in your 30s."

"And I'm sure there is such a difference. Seriously, what is the time?" I listened to the rustling as he reached to check his phone and move back again. "2:16."

"And I am awake why?"

"Told you. Missed you." I sighed and shifted onto my side so I could face him. "I just wanted to talk and stuff. Remember when we first got together and we would spend whole nights just talking?"

"Mhmm, well I was 19, I could do all nighters and be fine for work the next day. I can't really do that anymore." He chuckled, ducking his head down almost burying it in the pillow. "When did you realise you were getting old Haz?" I took a deep breath and looked past him as I thought about it. "Probably when it was Belle's 18th. She wanted a club and we hired out this pretty classy one for her and all her friends. About 100 people came and they partied all night, by midnight I was lagging so far behind everyone, they were all still drinking. I managed about 6 shots and 2 vodka and cokes and I couldn't stand." He started to laugh and it filled the room in a way I didn't realise I had missed until it happened. I joined in with him, feeling my heart beat faster at the thought we were finally laughing together, like we used to.

"I've missed so much, I wish I could have been there for all of these things." He sounded sad and I didn't want to ruin our good time, so I tried to pick it back up again. "You're back now, and you're bonding. How is it going?" I could tell he was sucking on his bottom lip in thought because it started to make that squeaky noise. "Well, I expected it to be a lot worse. I thought it was going to be awkward and strained but she's great. She's smart and funny. You said so many times how she's like me but all I see is you."

"Do you not think she looks like you?"

"Mmmm...I mean yeah. I see Lottie when I look at her. Lottie when she was 18."

"Do you love her Lou?" He shifted his body so he was no longer on his front, but rather on his back so we were both facing the ceiling. He reached for my hand, patting the duvet a few times till he found it, and interlocked our fingers. "I have loved her since the moment I saw the first scan picture. I loved her so much when she was first born and wrapped up in that gross pink towel, her face all scrunched up and her little toes peaking out. It's just hard to register she is that baby. It's hard for my brain to fill in all the gaps and I'm just getting used to it. Everyone tells you that you love your kids more than you have ever loved anything, but no-one tells you how suffocating that is." His words were so quiet as he spoke and I knew it was because he found it hard to open up about his feelings. I felt so happy that he was opening up to me that my pulse started to quicken and I gripped his hand tighter to reassure him. "Do you feel the same Haz, or am I a bad person for thinking that?"

"No, no of course you're not a bad person. I've struggled so much with her. I love her in a way that no-one tells you is possible and she's not even mine. I find that doing the right thing by her is the hardest of all, the last thing I want to do is hurt her and it's all I seem to be doing recently."

"I'm sorry Harry. I'm sorry if I've ruined your bond with her because now I see how rare and special that is."

"Stop saying sorry Louis. What you have done is done. We can't change it now but we can move on from it. If Belle is giving you a chance then you're one lucky guy but you don't need to keep apologising."

"But I am sorry. I feel so guilty. Especially since you're in my home and I have all these things that you don't have and I'm better off. I wish I could have shared all this with you and give you both what you deserve. You deserve more than me." I pulled my hand away from Louis' annoyed and rolled onto my other side so my back was to him. "If you're going to have a pity party I'm going to sleep. I can't listen to you say sorry anymore. And me and Belle have what we need to get by, we've always done fine, you don't need to buy our love."

"Fuck Harry, I didn't mean to offend you. Fuck." The bed shifted as he moved closer to me and I felt his bony chin rest on my shoulder. "I just wish I had been there to look after you, both of you. But I promise I'm not going anywhere now. I'm yours forever if you want me to be." I didn't reply and he moved so we were spooning and he pulled me closer to him once he had his arms around me. "I love you Harry."

I didn't want him to think I was going to sleep angry so I mumbled 'I love you too' and we both drifted back to sleep.