Madness (Completed)

Strong

"So, you're saying that you met Mark the day if the apocalypse?" Maddie questions with a small chuckle, as if my information was a joke.
"Yeah, he was nice to me even then. But back then I was with Jack, he rescued me from a mental asylum and I don't know... I guess I got lost in the moment and then I met Mark and everything changed." I explain in a bit of a haze in my words.
"Why did you choose Mark then? Or did you, I was just guessing." Maddie explains.
"Well, Jack made me a promise when the apocalypse first started. It was at our first camp and he told me that he would always be there and protect me. But... He didn't. There was one time that Eaters broke in our camp and Jack ran out before the rest of us did. He basically left us to die in there, but Mark helped me out. He carried me and broke through the back door with the other guys. And... Jack was just standing outside as if nothing happened, he acted concerned and worried for us. But deep down, I knew he wasn't. If he was, why would he just leave us in there? That's when I started to realize Marks feelings for me and it was just confirmed when we were trapped, but that's another story." I say with a forced laugh that I think will make the conversation less dark. Maddie turns the steering wheel on the car down and stops us on the side of the road.
"What?" I question in confusion at her actions.
"What happened to you when you were trapped? I need to know the truth." Maddie states in a stern tone I don't hear from her often.
"You don't, it's not something I like talking about so can we please just-"
"No. Tell me." Maddie interrupts with the same stern tone she had before. I take in a deep breath that I release as a sigh.
"Fine. Mark and I were on a run and back then we had a working car like this one. We got out of the car and got supplies, nothing special. Then... We hot back in the car and started driving. We saw a hoard of Eaters a few blocks ahead of us and we tried to go around them, but... The car ran out if gas and we stopped right in front of the hoard. We locked the doors and turned on the heat. We had to stay in the car, we couldn't leave. So Mark and I would talk just to ignore the sound outside. We got really close and ate all the food we had gathered. Then, we started to starve. And let me tell you, starving really is as bad as they say. It made me feel like I was going to throw up, but I had nothing to throw up. It felt like I was going to just cough out my organs at any second. I didn't sleep, the noises outside scared me too much. But even through that, I felt safe with Mark. He did protect me and give me bigger food portions than he gave himself." I pause, as this is the part of the story that always is hard for me to even admit to myself.
"So, Mark and I had made a deal. Because this was such a terrible way to die, we didn't want to die that way. So, we agreed that we would kill each other if no one came by the fifth night, and if they didn't come, we would both die that night. So we counted every day and night. As we didn't sleep anymore that was easy. But, during that time, Mark and I had developed a relationship. We kissed and layer our weak bodies on one another. We were more support for one another than dating. But, the fifth day came around. Mark and I were preparing to die that night, but it never happened. Because that day, that day was the day that all the guys found us and rescued us." I explain with small years dripping down my cheeks in a way that at least shows some emotion. After all of that, I don't have much strong emotion left in me for that event. Maddie looks at me with small drops forming in her eyes that she quickly wipes away.
"Wow. I'm sorry that happened, I can't imagine what that must have been like." She says as she wipes her eyes further in an attempt to hide her tears from me.
"I still have nightmares about it. The sounds of claws against the cold metal, the groaning and biting noises they made, even the sound of footsteps sometimes scares me. But, I'll make it through." I say with a small, forced smile that I give her.
"So, you feel safe with Mark?" Maddie questions, changing the topic in just one question.
"I do. He has kept me alive and well as best he can. Mark has always made me feel safe and secure. It scares me that I've been away from him this long, especially if he feels the same about me." I explain, I really do tug on my own heartstrings sometimes.
"I know he cares about you, more than anyone else. I know love when I see it, trust me." Maddie says with a sweet smile that I enjoy seeing.
"That's why I have to get back." I say in a hushed mumble, more to myself than Maddie, but I think she got the message. Maddie nods and wipes her eyes again, finally getting rid of all the tears that had previously been there.
"I know, I miss Emmet too. He has protected me just like Mark did you." Maddie says as she turns the wheel of the car and begins driving again. There is a long silence, a type of pause where thinking happens, when you just need time to process information that was given.
"We'll find them, you know that right?" Maddie questions, finally breaking the silence between us. I sigh heavily and turn my head to face her.
"I want to believe that, but it's a big world and we don't know that for sure." I answer, taking in a deep breath to help hold back tears from my statement. Because, even though I hate it, what I said was true. We might never find them again, but I am hopeful, because I don't know what I'd do without them.
"You can't think like that Violet, even if it's true, you can't make that what you live by. I know that you've gone through a lot, but that doesn't give you a right to make everyone else as sad as you are. I don't want that to sound harsh, but you need to know that because one day you'll just say the wrong thing to the wrong person. You can't ruin our hope, even if it's true. You once told me that you would help me through this, I need that from you and you need that from me. So, please, stay positive." Maddie states with a few sighs escaping her mouth. I glare out the window, I guess I never thought that I was making people sad 'like I am', but I suppose I should be nice. But how do I be nice? As Maddie said, I've had a lot happen to me, too much to 'stay positive'.
"But I don't know how to be positive." I answer in a hushed voice as my eyes watch the trees and grass as we drive passed it all.
"Well, you're all I have now, so you'll need to try. I know you're strong and can do something simple like this." Maddie responds. I chuckle quietly t myself and turn my head back to the front. "What's so funny?" She questions in a slightly irritated voice.
"It's just weird." I answer, returning to my serious tone.
"What is?" Maddie questions, still keeping her eyes on the road.
"That you think I'm strong."
"You are strong. Your muscles show that pretty well." I chuckle slightly at her comment and shake my head.
"I meant emotionally." I clarify.
"You are strong there too. After all, you've stayed very string through everything, there's a reason that some people break down and others don't. You are strong Violet." Maddie declares sternly. I let my eyes trail to the window and watch as we go passed it all.
"I guess so, but opinions are stronger." I say. I know deep down that I will never classify myself as strong. No matter how much muscle I have, no matter how much I overcome. I've seen myself at my weakest points and I know that my inner thoughts during the time I've been 'strong'. Most times it's just an act. Inside I'll feel terrified, but I'll act strong. I want people to see me as strong and I want them to think that I'm strong, but it will never be the full truth about me. So am I strong? To others I hope I am, and physically I know that I am, but I will never see myself that way. I guess I know myself too well to let myself believe a lie that I told.