Madness (Completed)

Honesty

As I finally get to the hospital, I decide to walk in the normal entrance this time. I walk up to the front desk and the woman behind it doesn't even need me to say anything. She hits the button and the door opens for me. I smile lightly and walk inside the door and down the hall towards my friends rooms. I see the nurse who had shoved me out before and I glare in her direction and walk towards her. It isn't long until she notices me and dread fills her face. I stand in front of her now and I look into her scared little eyes.
"So, I talked to Shane and he never did tell me that he kicked me out of the hospital." I state threateningly, moving my weight on my feet.
"So, I don't know why you shoved me out of here like you did. Care to explain? Or, perhaps I should shove you right out of your job? Or, even better, I can shove you out of the compound and let you live outside the wall? I like that idea, shall I go tell Shane to do that right away?" I question with an evil smirk go on my face.
"I'm sorry Miss Violet, i-it won't happen again. I-I promise." The nurse stammers to me, terror in her voice.
"It better not, or you know what will happen to you." I state as I walk away from her and to Marks room. I get inside and close the door with a strong force when I enter. Mark stares at me as I sit down next to him and grab his hand strongly.
"I need to talk to you." I state with a heavy sigh escaping my lips.
"Okay, go ahead." Mark responds, slight worry in his tone of voice.
"I'm getting married and I can't stop it even if I wanted to." I tell him, as my eyes finally are able to look into Marks chocolate brown ones that are filled with worry and confusion.
"What do you mean? Who is it?" Mark questions frantically in a voice full of worry and confusion.
"I don't know yet... It's still a decision that I have to make." I say as I bite down on my lip so hard that I start to feel small amounts of blood drip from it. Mark gives me a questioning look and tries to look in my eyes, but mine avoid his.
"What does that even mean?" Mark questions in complete confusion and slight annoyance.
"Jack had a wedding arranged without my permission and we can't cancel it. However, I talked to Shane, the leader of this compound, and he said that because of the circumstances I can change who the groom is going to be. He said that as long as I'm involved in the marriage then it's fine." I explain, still avoiding Marks eyes as I speak and watch my feet lightly move on the floor.
"I didn't think he would really do it... You know who we should choose though, right?" Mark questions me once more in a more calmed and sincere tone. I raise my eyes to meet his and shake my head in annoyance at his statement.
"No, I don't. I don't see why you just can't see how you're good for me. But the hard part was to actually believe that you gave him this idea that I'm better off with him. When in reality, I don't even know who I should be like. Because right now I don't know why you two have thought of me like property and I didn't realize it until Jack explained it to me. He told me that you told him that he was allowed to have me now and that you said it was okay." I pause to let the information set in, hoping that Mark will get my point better.
"Violet, it isn't like that. He told me that he didn't want to be around if you weren't with him and it just slipped out." Mark explains with complete sincerity in his voice.
"And that makes it better? That you two treat me like property behind my back. And now I have to marry someone and I get to decide who on this planet I can actually live with now. So, would you like to give me at least one good reason why I shouldn't cross you off my list for people to marry?" I question with tears forming in my eyes, but I hold them back by turning my head back towards the ground.
"Violet, I'm so sorry for everything that I've done and said to you. But all of my dumb mistakes shouldn't make our feelings disappear. We loved each other once and it was amazing, we had a great time together and we got along great... I think that we can have that again if you want it. In the end it's your choice and I'm not expecting you to forgive me, not right now anyway, but please don't doubt what we had. Because this decision is final, and I don't want you to regret it and not being happy. All I want is for you to be happy, and if that's with me, great. If not, great, whatever will make you happy, and I mean that. You know that I do." Mark states as he slowly inches his hand to interlock his fingers with mine. I look down at our fingers and how perfectly they fit together, how perfect they've always fit as if out hands were made to hold onto one another's. I slowly lift my eyes to look into Marks sad eyes that still don't look the same since he was taken. He just isn't the same and I'm not sure he ever will be. That fact is the only thing keeping me from letting myself fall for Mark all over again and allowing myself to love him the way I had all those months ago.
"I do love you... even though I don't know if I should or not." I say weakly as I suddenly show my emotions that have still been eating me inside.
"What do you mean?" Mark questions, his eyes still staring into mine in the caring way he has always had when looking at me.
"Are you okay... In a mental way I mean...? Because I know more than anyone that going through rough patches can leave a pretty rough scar to your life and emotions." I explain with my voice cracking and the tears in my eyes finally falling down my cheeks.
"I don't want to lose who you were because of something like this. I loved who you were and I don't want to lose that and ever since you got back... You don't have that look in your eyes anymore and it scares me to death when I think about losing you." I sob with tears pouring from my eyes and my hand grasping onto Marks tightly with a strong, caring emotion running through my veins.
"You're not gonna lose me, I'm not going to forget who I was because of some tough times in my life." Mark tells me sternly as he wipes a few of the tears from my face with his lose hand as he then sets it back down on the bed to rest. "I've been through worse, and you of all people know that about me. I promise that I won't lose myself and you won't lose me if that is what you want. If you wanted I would climb mountains and go through everything all over again just to keep this promise to you. If anything, believe that I care about you more than anything else in my life and that there is nothing that I wouldn't do for you. At least believe that, even if you don't choose me, and I don't expect you to. But please, don't let this get in the way of your judgement about this, I want you to be happy with whoever you choose." Mark finishes as he leans down and kisses the hand that he holds onto tightly and it onto his as if it was a type of life source for me.
"Thank you Mark, you're staying on my list. I'll try to tell you who I choose by next week." I state with my mind rushing with memories. I remember times when Mark and I smiled and laughed together and the first time I saw him. I remember each and every time he hugged me, or kissed me sweetly. I remember times when I would lay on the ground trying to sleep, but I would fail and sit with Mark in the darkness. We would talk and he would comfort me when I started crying like the baby I have become. Sometimes I wish I could go back to those times and just sit with Mark in the darkness, only holding onto his hand in silence as we would keep watch together. I wish I could go back to the first time I talked to Mark on Jacks phone the day that all this started. I wish I could go back and realize how much he would mean to me, back then I'm not sure if I would believe it. That a man I had just met would end up becoming an option for my husband and being the father of my future child. I wouldn't have believed it, partly because I never thought I would have kids, I just didn't want to become the mother that I hate so much I suppose. That reason is exactly why I have to try my best to give my child the best father they can possibly have and be the best I can be to everyone around me.