Madness (Completed)

Mistakes

Jack and I finally find Mark sitting on his bed. I can't tell how long he's been here or what he's doing.
"Mark." I say in a hushed voice, but loud enough fro him to hear. His head turns and I see tears dotted on his face and slight amounts of blood on his chin. I walk towards him and sit on the edge of the bed with him.
"What happened?" I ask sweetly in a calm voice in a hope that it will calm him. My eyes wander down to his hands which are covered in blood that I'm guessing is from when he punched Bob. Mark shakes his head and more tears pour from his eyes. I wrap my arm around him lovingly and lean my head on his shoulder.
"Shhhhh. Shhhhh. It's okay Mark... It's okay..." I say soothingly in his ear in an attempt to calm him further.
"No it's not." He demands in his angry tone. The tone scares me slightly, but I just hold him tighter.
"Why isn't it?" I question in my calm tone once more.
"Because you were there. Because I hurt two of my best friends. Because... Because I turned into a monster." Mark says, crying more heavily at his words. His voice is weak and scared, which almost causes me to cry with him. But I don't. I can't. I move so I am sitting in front of Mark and grab his blood stained hands in my own. He tries to pull away, but I grab tighter so he can't. I look into Marks eyes in a demanding way.
"You're not a monster Mark." I say, twiddling my fingers around his, slowly intertwining them.
"But I am." Mark responds, moving his face so he doesn't see me. With one of my hands I move his face back so he looks at me.
"It was a mistake and I'm not happy about it. But that's part of life. We will make mistakes and we might not be happy about them. We might have some people who don't forgive us. But that's just part of life. We have both made mistakes. Like the baby, it wasn't meant to happen, but we got through it. And like this, we'll get through it." I explain, my eyes moving from looking at Jack and back to Mark.
"But you never make these types of mistakes." Mark mumbles just loud enough for me to hear.
"I do... I have..." I trail off as I glance at Jack who I'm guessing knows what talking about.
"Like what?" Mark asks.
"Like..." I pause and look at Jack who nods 'yes' to me. I nod back and look back at Mark. "Like when I told Jack that I loved him just now. I don't know if it's true or not honestly, and it wasn't fair either way. But here I am, making another mistake and telling you so that we can get through it." I explain, glancing at Jack once again who now has his arms crossed and his eyes locked on me.
"When did you tell him that?" Mark asks in a more snappy tone.
"Before I ran and cried." I say honestly. Mark nods and looks me strait in the eyes.
"You chose him again you know. I told you that you can choose him, so just go and choose him!" Mark yells out louder as he let's go of my hands and pushes me away from him.
"I never did choose either of you! I just... I can't okay?" I yell angrily.
"You need to!" Mark snaps back at me.
"I can't! I can't! I can't! No matter how hard I try I just love you both and I can't choose! Why do I have to anyway? Why should I have to ruin someone's life so that mine can be happy with one of you?" I scream at him in anger and I stand from the bed.
"You know what? I'm not going to choose and neither are you. My child is not growing up like this!" I scream as I start towards the door.
"It's not just your child! And they aren't going to live alone with a phyco like you!" Mark shouts as he starts after me. I spin around on my heal to face him.
"What's that supposed to mean?" I ask angrily, almost spitting the words at him.
"You aren't stable and our child isn't going to deal with that alone!" Mark snaps angrily.
"At least I don't go punching the shit out if my best friends whenever they make me mad! At least I don't smack my friend so they get knocked out! At least I don't call myself a monster and get blood all over my hands!" I scream angrily as I spin around again and stomp past Jack out of the room. I walk back to the room I cried in before and slam the door behind me.

I sit on a bed in the corner if the room and lean against the wall in frustration. All of a sudden I hear a knock at the door, something I haven't heard in a long time.
"Yeah?" I shout so that whoever is on the other side can hear me. The door creaks open and Jack walks inside, closing it behind him.
"I know you're not happy with me, but I'm not very happy with you either. Considering that you just stood there while Mark was screaming at me about you." I say in a more calm voice than I had previously. Jack sighs and sits at the edge of my bed.
"I didn't think you were going to tell him that. After all I didn't think that what you said was a mistake." Jack confesses, looking into my eyes with a certain sadness that catches my attention.
"What did you think I was going to say?" I question.
"How you were disloyal to me with Mark when you two were trapped. How we eventually got through it like we have." Jack says.
"You mean how you started destroying a car in anger?" I question with a small amount of sarcasm.
"That was different. I'm talking about the first time you feel asleep and when I said that I forgived you." Jack clarifies with pure seriousness in his voice. I nod my head lightly and look at the ground in a bit of sadness overcoming me. Well, I wouldn't call it sadness, but disappointment. Disappointment more in myself than anyone else, for the situation I've put myself into with Mark and Jack. Without trying to, I've made them both have so much more pain in their lives. I feel a hand move my head so I look up and see Jack sitting in front of me.
"I did forgive you, and I still do now." He whispers soothingly.
"But I don't... Considering what I've done to you both." I respond in a hushed voice, but I'm sure Jack can hear me.
"You haven't done anything wrong, not to me. And Mark, he just gets mad sometimes and needs a few minutes and then he'll be fine. He didn't mean what he said, I know him well enough to know that." Jack explains, grasping hold of one of my hands and kissing it lightly before putting it back on the bed. "But I need to check on him before he does something else, see you later love." Jack says ad he stands from the bed and walks out of the room. Just like that, he's gone. I'm not sure what I believe anymore and I'm not sure I want to. The one thing I do know for certain, is that I'm pregnant and I'm going to be the best mother I can be. After all, I think that I can be better than my mother. She put me in a mental hospital just to get rid of me, so I'm sure I'll be at least a little better. And no matter what Mark says, this child will be MY child no matter what happens.

I won't let them not have a mother as I did for so many years. However, my mother was there, but she wasn't my mother for so long. She had turned into someone else that I didn't know. She would change into a monster-like a being that scared me for so many years until she got rid of me in the only way she could. I'm not sure how else to describe her, but I don't want to. She was in my past and I have much worse problems than my mother who, now, is probably dead. My past won't happen to my child, I'll make sure to be supportive and caring and everything I wish I'd had back then; everything I needed back then. I won't let my child get as damaged as I am now from my mother. I will be the mother that I never had.

BTW I totally did make that last line a twist from one of my favorite movies 'Interview With The Vampire' when he says "I'll give you the choice I never had." 😂 so you're welcome for that. See ya later!
-Lanty/ ThatIsUnfortunate