Shattered (Lauren/You)

Chapter 8

(Your POV)

I know that Jessie didn't actually mean most of what she said to me, but that doesn't mean that it didn't still hurt like a bitch. She said that I was the reason for my dad cheating on my mom and leaving us, which she already knows that I've at least partially blamed myself for that since I was 11 when it happened.

I know she didn't mean it in the way that I was thinking, but when she said that my family could still be whole if I didn't bitch so much, that's what really got me. The only reason that my dad and stepmom were even in the car was because of me. Even when my parents were still together, I always felt like my brother would be the center of attention because he was the athletic superstar and I would just be along for the ride to wherever he needed to do. Then when my dad moved out and got remarried and my sister was born, it was like I wasn't even a part of the family.

I had gotten used to it after a while, but I decided to ask my dad to make a better effort to be a part of the things I was accomplishing. So that's what they were doing that day, coming to see me. I was coaching my old grammar school softball team and we made it to the championship. My dad and stepmom left work early and were on their way to pick up Sammy from pre-school so that they could make it to the game when a tractor-trailer lost control and slammed into them. Apparently they were killed on impact so they probably didn't even know what hit them. That doesn't really make me feel any better though. This is the reason I have to take a Xanax every time I get in my car, because if I even see a truck on the side of the road I start to have a panic attack without the medicine.

If I just would've stopped bitching to him about making me feel important, they would still be here.

I miss my dad so much because we did have some good bonding times when I was younger. But the worst part about all of this is that Sammy lost both of her parents before she even finished preschool. I'll be sorry for causing that pain for my baby sister for the rest of my life.

So, that's basically where my train of thought was from the moment the words came out of Jessie's mouth. Sobs wracked my whole body the second I closed the door behind me and I ran to my room.

Connor came in a few minutes later and calmed me down. He asked me if I wanted to go to bed or take something to calm me down, but I declined both. He always knows what to say to comfort me anyway, just his presence can substitute me putting any more of those pills into my body.

When all of the tears finally subsided and I checked the mirror to make sure I didn't look like a total mess, we went back out to the pool. I'm pissed at Jessie still, but I'll eventually get over it as time passes. She's been my best friend for like 18 years, I wouldn't throw that out because she said shit to me in the heat of an argument. I may also have had feelings for her for a little while, so of course I'd want to keep her in my life, no matter how much heartache it caused me.

~

When we first came back out, it was a little awkward. I only realized then that the girls probably heard most, if not all, of our argument. Jessie tried to talk to me as soon as I stepped into the pool room, but I just told her to give me some space for a little while and she obliged.

Now I'm sitting on a lounge chair watching while everyone is pretty much back to having fun in the pool like before (except for Jessie, she sat in the hot tub for a little while before going in to bed). I'm not trying to wallow, but I really don't feel like doing anything right now and sitting out here watching other people have a good time is better than sitting alone in my room with my thoughts.

"Hey, mind if I sit down?" Lauren walks up with a sweet smile and points to the chair next to me.

"Yeah, go for it." I give her a small smile. I'm still finding it a little hard to believe that I'm even talking to Lauren Jauregui, let alone her being at my house...in a bikini.