Love. A Conor Maynard Love story.

Chapter 33

"Are you okay?"

Conor's voice make me jump and I don't know what to answer, I'm not sure if I'm actually okay. I'm just empty inside.

Conor come and sit down beside me on the sofa. He slowly stroke my arm as I haven't answered his question. I just stare into the air in front of me biting my lip.

"Talk to me gorgeous"

I look at Conor's worried face and I lose it. Tears start streaming down my face and I can feel a lump growing in my throat

Conor is fast to realise the signs of a panic attack but it doesn't help this time. I feel trapped in my own body, not able to escape from it and all I want is some fresh air. I rush towards the balcony. I flung the door open and run out gripping the railing so hard my hands turn white.

It doesn't take long for Conor to come after me and I can hear his calm voice in another world, on the other side of my panic bubble. I'm sweating and my whole body aches. Nothing seems to help but like always does the panic wear off and I'm left feeling all empty once again.

Conor pull me close and I start crying making his T-shirt all soggy. I feel like a kid when Conor pick me up and carry me back inside, placing me on the sofa.

He doesn't say anything and just having his warm chest to cry against and him wrapping his arms around me helps a lot.

I don't know for sure how long were sat like that but it must've been quite long because at the end are my eyes beginning to feel dry as I haven't got any tears left. I lift my head up and face Conor. I can tell he's a bit worried even though he's trying not to show it. He pull me into a bonecrushing hug as he realise that I'm okay.

"I was so worried"

I snuggle closer into his neck as he whisper in my ear. His smell makes me calm and I breath it in as if it was a drug.

"You could almost think you're a sniffing dog when you do that"

Conor's comment makes me laugh out loud and everything seems bright again and I'm just about able to comment it in between the giggles.

"Your humour Conor, I just can't"

And it's true, Conor's goofiness is literally the best entertainment ever and it's all that I'll ever need in my life.

"Are you well enough to go out for some lunch as I'll have to be back in the studio in a couple of hours to record some more"

I'm so glad he's starting to get the hang of my anxiety, it doesn't help with him worrying around, I just need him whilst it happen and then can he just brush it off his shoulder and continue like nothing happened.

"Does it look like I'm not, I would never turn down a lunch with you"

Conor glance at me and I can tell he's thinking about it. I'm probably not looking that great. I just smile at him. Conor kiss me on the forehead before I stand up to go and get changed.

............

"Are you ready to go?"

Conor look up from his phone when I come down from the bedroom. I'm just wearing casual clothes such as a hoodie and some jeans. I've put my hair in a high pony tail and just added some simple makeup to cover up my red puffy eyes from me crying.

"Yeah let's get out of here"

He give me a quick kiss before we head out. Conor's car is parked along the road so we don't have to go by the garage. Like always does Conor let the music blast out of the speakers as we drive through the streets of London, the car is literally shaking from the bass and I just love every single second of it. It makes you feel so good, listen to music together with the one you love.

"Let me know how you feel about this one"

Conor unlock his phone and switch off Drake, One Dance to put on a
a slower track. I let his soft voice fill the car and close my eyes. I take in the words and as always is there a meaning behind all of them.

Can't spend my months this way
Can't spend even one more day
Away from you
Apart from you
My forever

Girls come, girls go
But one thing I know is that's we're meant to be
So many things I love in this world
But as I have always said
The thing I want the most
Is to be next to you my girl

You and I may be complicated
But if you ask me, distance is overrated

Can't spend my months this way
Can't spend even one more day
Away from you
Apart from you

Boys come, boys go
But one thing I know is that we're meant to be
So many things I love in this world
But as I have always said
The thing I want the most
Is to be next to you my boy

Can't spend my months this way
Can't spend even one more day
Away from you
Apart from you

So far from you
I long for you
My forever
I hope that we'll stay together
Forever

It's strange hearing your own voice and I'm actually surprised over how good it sounds. The lyrics that we wrote in bed a Tuesday morning sound amazing even though we didn't spend more than a couple of hours on it. It's written from our hearts and you can feel the love through the music. I can already tell that the fans are gonna love this piece of art.

"So what do you think, is it okay if I put it on the album?"

Conor look at me with curios eyes even though he already know the answer. He can read me like a book and the smile that's on my face show everything.

"It's amazing, I love it"

I lean over and give him a kiss. He intertwine his fingers with mine and drive one handed to the nearest Nando's. The best thing with him having an automatic car.

............

Conor's P.O.V

I pull up outside our block of flats to drop Anna off before I head back to the studio. There's a million thoughts in my head but we both have driven in silence the last ten minutes.

"When will you be back tonight?"

Anna look at me curious.

"Oh, probably late at night, I'm in a mood where I'm feeling very motivated right know, I just want to finish this album now"

It's a total lie, to be honest do I not have any motivation at all, I've been staring at a blank page for hours this morning not being able to write a single word. Everything feels so much easier when I write with Anna but my manager think I should write on my own. He's been nagging about the fact that this is my big breakthrough and my change to become something, something big, I'm just not sure if that's what I want. I watch Anna open the door too our building, totally unaware of what I'm planning on doing. I'm just not brave enough to contradict my manager.