Captain America Bucky Barnes Winter Soldier Steve Rogers Fan Fic - The Constant

Chapter Seven: James Barnes - Memories

James Barnes - Memories

James can hear the sounds out in the corridor; people talking, walking by, dropping things, even laughter.

What in Gods' name was there to laugh about in a hellhole like this?

He is trying to leave this place. He cannot do so physically, but his mind is thinking, always thinking of home and of Steve, trying to be back there, trying to be back home. Back with him.

The last night he was home, before he left for England and the 107th, he had taken Steve to meet up with two girls at Howard Stark's World Fair.

He had once again just pulled Steve out of a fight and had to tidy him up.

Steve had asked him where they were going and Bucky had told him.

"The future...we're going to see the future."

He had wanted Steve to have at least one night with a woman before he left him alone, but even fairly early on he was sure it wasn't going to work out that way. The girl wasn't interested. He had got it wrong. Again.

Later, he kicked himself. Deep down he had wanted them to spend the night together, have Steve to himself but as there was a chance he wouldn't come back he wanted to open up Steve's horizons, give Steve other options. Bad plan.

Steve had ended up heading off to yet one more Army joining booth, and Bucky had ended up going dancing with the girls. He had said goodbye to Steve, smiling and horsing around because he could see Steve's mind was already on what he was going to say to get them to take him. He didn't want to leave him, he should have stayed, should have kept him close until the time where there were no minutes left and he had to leave.

During the evening, Bucky had grown quieter and less exuberant. All he could think about was Steve. Was that the last time he was going to see him? In the end the girls decided to find someone else to party with; after all there were a lot of takers. They had wished him luck, though.

He couldn't get drunk. No good turning up the next morning with a hangover and being the butt of some Sergeant's wrath. As he walked home he went by Steve's apartment, the light was out and he hesitated, should he go and wake him?

Now, all this time later, he knew the flat had been empty. Steve had finally found someone who would accept him into the army - and he had never told James.

They had exchanged a few letters. Steve kept all the details of what he was doing to himself, not because he didn't want to tell Bucky but because he didn't want to worry him – and, of course, he had to consider his letters were being censored before they were sent.

He had told Bucky he had gotten a civilian job at the army camp, and that was why his mail was coming from an army address. Joked how he was helping in the kitchens with the cooking. Bucky knew now it was a different type of cooking altogether. Steve had probably not wanted Bucky Barnes ending up on the camp where he was, on some rescue or big brother mission. It had been Steve's chance to do something, to be someone and he was scared enough as it was.

He had to do it alone otherwise he would never do anything.

The letters tailed off from both of them when Bucky's division went into action. But it hadn't meant Steve wasn't on Bucky's mind.

James still remembered the day his unit was captured. He had thought he knew fear that day...but now he knew it had barely touched him.

He opens his eyes and looks around the room he is in. How long has he been here? It feels like forever. It is forever. He is a different man to the one who had signed up. There is no cockiness now. Back then he had been ready to take on the world, now...now he was broken.