Captain America Bucky Barnes Winter Soldier Steve Rogers Fan Fic - The Constant

Chapter Eighty: Steve Rogers & Bucky Barnes - Everyone Has A Dark Side

Steve Rogers & Bucky Barnes - Everyone Has A Dark Side

Steve watches Bucky.

The other man cannot settle. Steve is getting used to the way Bucky prowls around looking at everything, touching things. He picks things up, looks at them, and puts them down but Steve notices he hasn't looked at any of the photographs on the side. Steve stands, goes over to his record player, selects an LP, and puts it on. Soon there is gentle music playing, the songs they used to know so well and he sees that it is having an affect on Bucky. Bucky is stood still.

"You okay?" he asks, but receives no reply. Bucky stands with his back to him, a book in his hands, but Steve can see that whilst he might be looking at it, his thoughts are elsewhere.

"Hey?" Steve goes up to him, moves so he can see Bucky and Bucky is crying, large fat silent tears. He takes the book out of Bucky's hand and slowly and gently puts his right hand in Bucky's left, his arm around Bucky's waist.

"Let go," he whispers, and feels the tension drain out as Bucky begins to move with him, slowly, resting his head on Steve's shoulder. Steve can feel the tears making a wet patch on his tee shirt. He closes his eyes and allows his body to rest against Bucky's, lets the music speak for him. He feels Bucky move and opens his eyes to look at him; beautiful blue eyes into beautiful blue eyes. Steve wants him so badly, wants to lay him down on the bed, wants to make love to him. He leans forward slowly and nuzzles Bucky's neck and for a moment he feels Bucky is responding.

"Tell him what you did." The Winter Soldier's voice is a sneer, and contains such hatred and contempt for himself. "Let him see what you are capable of doing to those you love," and Bucky groans. Steve feels his body tense.

"No don't, don't make me..." Bucky's voice is quiet, and Steve believes the comment is directed at him and pulls back so that he is no longer touching Bucky.

"I didn't mean to upset you," he says, and Bucky stops moving. Steve tries to get him to look up at him but Bucky won't, he can see his lips are moving as if still having a conversation. "Buck, I won't make you do anything you don't want to," Steve says and finally Buck looks up. His eyes are a window straight into his tortured soul.

"Don't hate me."

"I could never hate you," Steve frowns, not fully understanding the sentiment behind the words.

"Tell him!" The Winter Soldier dares him.

"What makes you think I would ever hate you?" Steve asks.

"Tell him!" The Winter Soldier shouts.

"Bucky, I love you. I've always loved you. You're my life, and all this time without you has been so terrible, so..." Steve searches for the word but instead his eyes widen as the look on Bucky's face changes. His entire demeanour changes. Physically, and emotionally, he pushes Steve away from him.

"Shut up!" The Winter Soldier is angered. He needs to shut him up, needs to stop him from telling him how much he means to him. He doesn't deserve love, he doesn't deserve kindness. Bucky Barnes doesn't deserve Steven Rogers.

"I have to go..." Bucky says, and the words make Steve feel sick.

"Go? Go where? Buck, come on, I can look after you. I can protect you..."

But Bucky steps further away from him, looks at him with cold, cruel eyes. "I don't need your protection!" he spits.

Steve puts his hand out but Bucky hits it away.

"You're weak," he sneers at Steve, who is taken aback when Bucky lifts his hands and shoves him hard back against the wall.

"Buck..." But Steve doesn't get a chance to finish his sentence as Bucky steps up into his space, as he feels Bucky's body pin his to the wall; as Bucky's lips meet his - but it is not a gentle kiss and Steve tries to break the contact, tries to move, but there is such an anger in Bucky he can't. He cannot push too hard for fear Bucky will think he is pushing him away.