Captain America Bucky Barnes Winter Soldier Steve Rogers Fan Fic - The Constant

Chapter One Hundred & Three: The Next Part of the Journey

James, Bucky, Steve and Freya - The Next Part of the Journey

You have not told them but they have noticed.

You are pale. You are not eating properly. They have watched you push the food around your plate as you pretend to eat. They notice how you hold yourself. How when you think you are by yourself you try to stretch but instead get cramps and end up close to tears. They see the unexpected nosebleeds you try to hide. How you sleep more, especially in the afternoons and how you have been keeping to your own bedroom using the excuse that they snore and keep you awake. They see the way the headache tablets run out at an alarming rate. They know you and although you have learnt the art of lying, it is something you will never be an expert at, especially with them.

Steve rings Anita and books you an appointment and they both drive you to make sure you go. They even watch you enter the clinic. You tell them you do not want them to go in with you, that they are acting like hysterical mother hens and you pretend to be annoyed at them for having done this.

You are not annoyed. You are frightened. Something is seriously wrong with your body and you know there is.

Anita asks you what the symptoms are even though Steve has told her. At first you try to shrug it off, but the fact is that Anita can make you talk. You explain the dizziness, nosebleeds, the cramps that leave you unable to breathe because they are so painful, the sickness, the pain in your joints, the headaches and - worst of all - you tell her how you have blacked out twice. She examines you, takes blood samples and asks you to pee into a bottle. Anita discusses the possibilities of illnesses that could cause the pain and symptoms but she does not want to make guesses. The results will take a while but before she allows you to leave she gets you booked in for another appointment.

When you come out you scowl when you see the men waiting for you in the car park, leant against the car. You were going to take the bus. James snorts when you tell him this. Steve is straight to the point.

"What did she say? What's wrong with you?"

You lie and this time you sound almost truthful. "She thinks it's fatigue, pure and simple." You blind them with waffle. "I need to rest and there are tablets she can give me."

"And what caused this fatigue?" Bucky is not going to let you off lightly.

"I'm nearly ninety-eight years old Buck!" you exclaim. "Have you not noticed the grey in my hair?!"

"You've always had grey in your hair!" he points out.

You pretend to be annoyed. "Do you want me to remind you that you two have fully functioning and working serums in your body? I don't. I have a fucked up small amount of one in my body. Come on guys, do you really want me to explain what happens the older a woman gets? Do you really want the personal details?" You are deliberately cold with them.

Bucky and Steve look away. Steve is blushing. No, he doesn't want to know. Most men do not want to hear about women's problems; and telling them it is women's problems is the easiest way to deflect their questions.

"I didn't think the menopause would affect you considering you've been sterilised," Bucky can still be blunt.

"Look, Buck, just because they took some of it away doesn't mean the rest of isn't going to play up. My body's getting old, its been...misused, and its changing. It happens to all women. Okay!" You open the car door and get in the back. James gets in the front and Steve drives.

"But you're all right, yeah?" Bucky turns back to you and asks and you keep up the act and look at him as if you are exasperated.

You blow your fringe out of your eyes. "Yes. I'm fine. I may look as if I'm in my thirties but I told you, I still have the body of a ninety year old." And that ends the conversation.