badnews { jace norman }

twenty-two

"When did this happen?"

"The day before you left... the first time."

We sit on opposite ends of the bed. A large gap seperating our silence.

"It was the day we selpt together...She told me that it didnt feel right. You know, with me. I asked her, if there was another guy and she explained everything to me. That it wasnt a guy. That it was you." He pauses. "Look, I was gonna tell you at the hotel that night but I was so mad at you... even now youre really not supposed to know... but I dont know how much longer I can distance myself from you without telling you why."

"Im the one thats been distant..."

"But why do you think I never called? Never, showed up at your doorstep dispite living five miles down the road? I thought that maybe if I found a reason to hate you everytime I saw you itd help with the fact of backing off but, it made everything worse. Because I cant find a single reason as to how I could hate you."

I look down at my blanket covered legs. "Its just... Brits like my sister, you know?"

"So you dont like her?"

My eyes widen "Im not a lesbian Jace"

He breathed out. "Thank god" He mummbles.

"So she'd be pissed if we did things?"

"Things?"

"Nevermind"

I look over at the smirk across his lips.

"Why you red Margo Porter?"

I look away, cheeks burning "Im not"

"If you want to get into my pants thats all you have to say"

"I dont want to get in your pants"

"What things were you talk about then?"

"Harmless things"

He grins "You wanna fuck so bad"

"-ly. And no"

"You're lying"

"No im not- look, were talking about Brit right now."

"Okay fine. You cant hint to her that you know, alright?"

"Im not talking about that. I just- Brits my best friend... I dont like her like that, I like you- I mean I just. Im so confused"

"Just tell her that. She'll understand"

"I dont know" I sigh, laying back across my bed. "How do you think she'll take it?"

"You know her better then me" he shrugs

"Whatever. You guys are all buddy buddy now"

"She'll be fine. You know Brit. She'll drown whatever you say out with drugs and a night of getting wasted."

I glance up at him for a split second.

He shifts himself on my bed, skimming his fingers across my side. I flinch.

He grins "Are you ticklish Margo Porter."

"Dont fucking touch me" I grit my teeth.

"Whos a pig again"

"Do not make this more cliche then it already is"

He comes toward me and I give up on the sass.

"Okay okay im sorry youre not a pig"

He doesnt stop dispite my desperate begs. His hands are on me.

It doesnt stop until I slightly push him away and grab his hands with mine.

He watches me silently. The tickling attempt over with. It was the kind of look, in the movies when the guy finds the girl intriguing.

I watch his lips. Ever so slightly chapped from his sickness. I knew it was only a matter of days before id be going through the same thing.

I find my senses somewhere and mamaged to speak.

"Do you want to go to the park?"

A slow grin forms on his face.

•••

We walk there. But it had been a while.

As we sit on the metal bench as the warmed winter air rushed past the small space between us.

"Memories huh? Its been a while"

I nod and kick at the dirt with my grey tennis shoes.

"I think I-" He stops his sentence and pats down his pockets until his eyes give a sense of hes found what he was looking for. He pulls out his lighter.

He motions it to me but I just look at it.

"Ah, right. You dont smoke."

"It was a phase" I shake my head.

"Right." He grips it in his hand and sighs. "Whatever happened to skipping fifth hour to come out here?"

"I realised how stupid it was"

"I come out here every day."

"...Really?"

He nods.

Theres a drag of silence. The longer the silence suffocates us, the longer I think. Like a five car pile up, I feel my awareness crumble inside.

The memorise of swearing the kid sitting next to me was bad news.

But over time ive realised that it wasnt him who was bad news... it was me. My habits of going from the public image, to a rebel, to the publics image again. Im not sure where I belong.

But there was the thing, I was always so stuck on myself, pushing other people aside because I didnt understand what I wanted.

I wanted to live a perfect girls life.
I wanted to have friends,
To have money,
Nice clothes,
A fancy car,
Sparkly teeth,
I wanted a popular boyfriend, and for everyone to be so bitterly jealous of me.

But I had that once. And it wasnt what I thought.

I want to be excepted, but I dont need a fancy car, perfect teeth, or nice hair to be who I wanted to be.
I didnt need to be a copy of everyone else to be who I wanted to be.

I wanted him. The one sitting next to me, the one with a perminate smile through the bad times. The one with kind eyes. I wanted his fingers wrapped between mine to fit almost perfectly, to feel what its like to be loved by someone so pure to the meaning of a relationship.

That was all I needed.

And if I wanted that,

Id have to start doing things his way.