badnews { jace norman }

twenty-five

That night I lay in bed listening to the silence that overwhelmed my mind.

The sheets smelled different, like him.

The memory of his breath tracing my neck lingered in my body for hours.

The touch of his fingertips down my back replayed in my head.

That was the way it was supposed to feel.

I chew at the pinks of my lips. My finger tapping lightly on the cotton bed sheets.

Jaces arm lays around me as if it's how we were supposed to sleep every night. Leaving me trapped from moving my body.

His steady breath matches the slight raising and lowering of his body as he sleeps.

The ceiling fan going a million miles an hour sits above us, leaving my bare skin trailed in shivers.

But all that I could think about was him regretting everything in the morning.

His breathing stops for a minute as he's awoken. Then out one last harsh time before readjusting himself closer to me.

"Can't sleep?"

I shake my head, a raspy "no" escaping from my lips.

He pulls my body over closer to him with his arm, the fabric of my underwear pressing aginst his. I wrap my leg around him, my face facing his.

"Whats wrong?"

"Nothing... just, can't sleep I guess"

He sighs heavily and runs his hands over his eyes.
"Do you want to go do something"

"Its two oclock in the morning Jace"

"So?"

"Where's your mom"

"Drunk" His tired voice raspy to the point of the word almost not leaving his thoughts.

"Why?"

"Dont worry about it"

I adjust onto my back and watch the popcorn ceiling. His eyes are glued to me as I breathe harshly. The heavy wind whistles through the window panes.

Readjusting his body, he leaves a gap of sheets between us. His heavy in synced breathing began again. And it was just me aginst the quiet world once more.

I get out of bed awkwardly. Finding my pants on the floor I slip them on.

The door creaking open, I step on the floor cafefully.  Finding my self outside, planted on his front porch step.  

I watch my breath trail through the air. My arms, partly covered with the long sleeves of Jaces tshirt, trembled from the cold. But I continue to sit. Watching the stars.

Before humanity, the world was trying to tell us something. The stars, created by the one who put as all here, made a statement. They're made up of the same thing, hot boiling gases. But different sizes, shapes, colors. Do stars have feelings? Personalities? Do they accept differences unlike us?      

I lay back on the cold cement, the bottom of my shirt rides up, connecting skin to concrete.

Closing my eyes I breathe in the crisp air. The earth's movement so slow, slow enough to put someone asleep. 

●●●

My eyes snap open at the faint sounds of yelling. A woman's voice, then a guys within the door.

My skin feels like ice at the touch of my finger tips, but I sit up and listen.

The words of asshole, dad, court, and act make out within other muffled sentences. Following with crashes throughout the house, hearing doors slam from outside, I wait.

Five minutes after silence I wonder if I should go in, or just go home. But knowing the trouble that I'm already going to be in for not coming home last night, showing up in someone else's clothes without a cell phone or any of my stuff wasnt the best idea I could come up with.

I push my numb thumb down on the metal of the door handle and poke my head inside. The living room spotless, other then a broken lamp in the middle of the floor. Empty with silence, was that what Jace was capable of?

My toes numb to the feel of the carpet, I trudge up the stairs, following the familiar path down the hallway to his room.

I push on the locked door handle, only budging with a creak of the door.

I knock lightly "Jace open the door, it's me"  

There's shuffling, then, an opened door.

I shut it behind me and watch him sit on the edge of his bed. Anger rushes within him.

"You okay?" My voice so small to the energy in the room.

"I thought you went home"

I shake my head, sitting next to him.

"Whats going on Jace" 

"Nothing"

"Okay, I heard you guys yelling. And I can tell you're upset" I wrap my hands around his bare arms.

He surrounds his hands over mine "Why are you so cold?"

"I was outside. But don't change the subject"

He sighs "My dad is fighting for custody. Hes bringing my mom and I to court. The trials April twenty second." 

"Can he even do that?"

"Hes convinced the court that he'd changed."

"Has he?"

He glares at me.

"Well, Jace you havent seen him in almost seven years... people change"

"He hasn't changed. Nobody that hurts people that bad can change."

We sit in silence. The topic made me uncomfortable for him, he was so helpless. Not having a say to stand up aginst the one person that's hurt him.  

"Im here for you..."

"I know you are" He sighs, keeping my hands between his.

"What about your mom?"

"Shes lost it. Getting drunk every night, then getting so mad that she needs to stay in her room otherwise she breaks everything. It's like.... I dont even have any parents anymore."

"Your mom loves you Jace, I know she loves you because who couldn't? This isn't on you. Any of it"

"If I hadn't been-"

"No. Jace, none of it."

He sits and watches me for a while. Speaking hushed,

"Last night... do you, think we're moving to fast?"

I hesitate, but nod.

"Me too... but I love you, you know that."

"I know" I swallow "I love you too"

"Just friends?"

"Just friends" I smile.

Last night, almost perfect. To feel what it was like to be loved but, something about him. His life being so unsteady, I can't pull that into mine. So friends. And that was okay.