Dangerous Mind

My Voice

You say you want to hear my voice.
You want to hear me sing,
You want to hear me speak.
You offer encouragement,
Promising I'm talented,
I'll do well,
And I shouldn't worry,
Because everyone will love it.
At first, I refuse.
No way.
I am not going to embarrass myself again.
But you don't give up,
Pestering me with your pleas,
Your promises,
Your compliments,
Your assurances.
And eventually, I start to believe you.
Your words get through to me,
And little by little, I finally agree.
I'll do it.
I'll use my voice.
I get up on the stage,
My confidence high,
Feeling invincible...
And then I look at the audience.
Staring up at me, eyes already full of criticisms.
They demand not only success,
But perfection.
They practically suffocate me with their expectations,
Expectations that I know I can't fulfill.
My built up confidence comes crashing down all at once,
Nearly bringing me to my knees with it.
I'm shaking.
What do I do?
It's happening again!
My thoughts are a whirling jumble,
I can't make sense of anything,
What do I do??
But the audience is still staring at me.
They're silent,
Watching,
Waiting.
And I'm still standing here,
Unmoving,
As if I were a stone statue to be gaped at.
I can't do this.
I have to do this.
I can't do this.
I start.
I'm shaking so much, I can barely make the movements.
My voice is trembling,
And quiet, too quiet.
They can't hear me.
I can tell, they're leaning towards me, straining to listen.
Some of them have zoned out,
Other carry on conversations,
Oblivious to my struggling.
They don't care.
I'm boring.
I'm not good enough.
I knew it.
I finally finish,
And leave the stage before I can be crushed by the overwhelming lack of applause.
I escape into a side hallway where I won't be heard,
Finally breaking.
I knew I wouldn't be good enough.
Tears stream down my face.
I knew they'd hate me.
My breaths rush past faster than they should, my throat burning.
They'll never forget this failure.
I'm dizzy.
I embarrassed myself.
My vision is going dark.
They think I'm stupid.
I can't hear my footsteps anymore.
They pity me.
I'm falling.
I'm not worth their time.
Everything goes dark.

Why did I believe you?

______________________________

I've been persuaded into performing a monologue in front of my entire grade.  I wrote it, so memorization isn't a problem, but I have some sort of stage fright or something?  I'm not sure, I just know that I always end up running away and hyperventilating after I finish.  I don't know what I should do.  I'm really nervous. Any advice?

~❤