Dangerous Mind

Will You Shut Up??!!!

     It was a normal evening at the Wilson household, if normal is a word that can be applied here.  With eight kids in the house, how normal can it really get?  Okay, so it was a crazy evening at the Wilson house, as usual.  Three teens, three tweens, and a seven and five year old were having dinner with their parents, and one of the teens was trying to tell another about something funny that had happened that day.  Her name was Bella, and her older sister at the other end of the conversation was Alli.  The two youngest, Hope and Ian, were sitting right near Bella and listening to her conversation as nosey little kids will do.  When she mentioned her friend Heather, Hope interrupted and asked,
     "Who's your friend?"
     Confused, Bella answered,
     "Heather?"
     "Who's Heather?" Hope asked.
     "My friend, I just said that," Bella said, slightly irked.
     "But who's your friend?" Hope impishly continued, not wanting to give up her game.
     Bella was angrily about to respond, but thankfully Alli cut in first, saying,
     "Hope, Bella was trying to talk to me."
     "Sorry," the seven year old responded.  Bella shot her a glare and turned back towards Alli.
     "Okay, so as I was saying-" she didn't get the chance to continue.
     "Heather's my friend!" Ian whined.
     "Excuse me?" Bella asked, irritated at being interrupted again.
     "I have a friend named Heather!" Ian exclaimed, just as Hope said the same thing.
     "He has a friend named Heather."
     "So?  There's more than one Heather in the world you know!  Now can I please finish what I was telling Alli?"  They didn't say anything.  "Thank you!"
     She continued telling her story, calming down a bit now that there weren't little imps interrupting her every other word.  However, just as she was about to get to the best part, Hope piped up with,
     "Did you know Ian has a friend named Heather?"
     That did it.
     Bella slammed her hands down on the table and shouted,
     "Will you shut up??!!"
     There was total silence for a second as all conversations came to a screeching halt.
     Ian and Hope looked scared.
     Their father was the one to break it.  His voice was quiet, but it would be a mistake to think he wasn't angry.  He only said two words, but they were enough.
     "Too far."
     It was as if he had broken a spell.
     Their mother pushed out her chair and stood up, gathered her dishes and brought them to the sink, then went upstairs, all without saying a single word.  The others tentatively went back to their own conversations, keeping the sound to a murmur.
     "I'm sorry," Bella said, her voice tight.  Nobody answered.  A few seconds passed, then Alli asked,
     "Do you want to finish what you were telling me?"
     "I'll tell you later," Bella muttered roughly as she got up and put her dishes in the sink.  "Goodnight."
     As soon as she was gone, everyone went back to their normal conversations.
     Bella knew she had crossed a line, but she couldn't help it.  Between getting less than half the amount of sleep she should have had for several weeks and the stress of school, she was just a bomb waiting to go off.  To add to that, she had gained several pounds recently, which she didn't even used to care about, but now for some reason it was hugely important.  She felt guilty every time she ate something, so she already wasn't in the best mood at dinner.
     She knew she shouldn't have exploded like that, but honestly she was surprised it hadn't been worse.  Why couldn't they just let her talk?!
     What's done is done though, and she couldn't take it back.  Her parents were mad at her, and she had scared Ian and Hope.  She hadn't meant to, it was an accident.  The guilt washed over her in waves, and she couldn't take it anymore.
     She made her way to the bathroom and locked the door.  She reached under the sink and pulled out the box that contained her hairbrush, toothbrush, medicine, razor, etc. Each person had an assigned box - in such a large family, they were pretty necessary.  Digging under the brushes, bottles, and assorted bits and bobs, her fingers brushed against the object of her search.  She closed her hand around the cold piece of metal, slowly pulling it out.  She opened her fist, revealing the blade she had hidden so many months ago.
     She brought it to her arm.
     "You know you deserve this."
     "Yes."
     The fact that she was talking to herself didn't even register in Bella's mind.
     She pressed the blade into her skin.
     The first bead of blood appeared.

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