Dangerous Mind

What Do You Want Me to Do?

What do
You
Want me to do

When it's taking
Everything
I have
Just to
Keep myself
Running

When I've
Drawn into myself
To
Protect
Me
From Everything

When I can
Barely
Even
Respond
To you

How do
You
Expect me to
Act okay when
Everything
Is
Screaming
At me

And I can't fight back
Because
If I try
They'll hurt me
They will
No
They won't
I will
They want me to
Everything wants me to
And
I can't
Fight back
I can't
I can't
I don't know how
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I'm so sorry

But

What do
You
Want me to do

When I
Can't do
Anything
More than

Survive

Just

Survive

And that's
Hard enough
As it is
As things are

People expect things of me
I'm expected
To
Do everything right
To
Be a good student
To
Get good grades
To
Set an example
To
Be okay
And
I try

I swear
I do

I try

Is it enough?
Of course not
Because
That's not the end of it

There's always
Another
Class
Another
Grade
Another
Day
Another
Week
Another
Something to do right
Another
Person to impress
Another
Example to set
Another
Don't you dare mess up
Another
Everything
Always
Always more

And
I am
Surviving

But it's
Not
Easy

I'm not allowed
To
Just
Curl up into a ball sometimes
Make my own
Quiet little space
And hide there
Just for a minute
Because
Someone will worry
They'll think I'm not okay
And they'd be right
But they wouldn't know
That being like that is the closest thing I'll get to okay
And it would be better if they left me alone
Didn't sit down with me and pretend to care
Didn't report me to guidance for simply
Sitting down and bringing my knees to my forehead

So
I'm sorry
If I seem tired
I'm sorry
If I seem sad
I'm sorry
I'm not doing well
I'm sorry
I don't know how to fix it
I'm sorry

But

What do you want me to do?

I can't just
Be happy
I can't just
Smile
I can't just
Be okay
And I'm sorry for that
I'm sorry
That this is the one thing
I can't figure out how to do right
I'm sorry

I can do everything else
Just
Not
This

I'm sorry

I can't do it
But you don't like it when I'm like this
No one does
So what do
You
Want me to do?

I'm sorry
I'm not
Perfect.
I can be as perfect as I have to
In every other way,
But not like this.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I just want to hide from everything.

~❤