Dangerous Mind

Helpless

I feel so helpless.

I feel torn,

Between what I want to do,
And what you say I should do.

Between what I think I feel,
And what you say I should feel.

Between how I want to dress,
And how you say I should dress.

Between how I want to look,
And how you say I should look.

You think I should be...
Beautiful.
Popular.
I should have your opinions,
And agree with what you say.
Wear makeup,
And revealing clothes.
Be that girl.

But I'm not that girl.
I'm that girl.
That girl with her nose stuck in a book.
That girl who sits alone.
That girl with scars on her arms -
No, who always wears sweaters, so you never see her arms.

You want me to be one of you.
I'm not.
I can't.
I don't wear makeup,
I don't wear fancy clothes,
I'm not gorgeous,
I'm not popular.

Because that's not what's important to me.

I wish I could honestly say
That I didn't care.
That none of your useless pressure got to me.
I wish I could consistently say
That your opinions can go jump off a cliff for all I care,
Rather than feeling like it's the other way around,
Like your opinions are pushing me closer and closer to that cliff,
And if one day I happened to fall,
You wouldn't care;
You'd barely notice.

I hate that.

I hate that I care so much.

I wish I didn't.

And I try not to.

But I feel constantly torn,
Between who I want to be,
And who you want me to be.

Can't I just be me?

I try, so hard.
Every time.
I swear I do.

And I know that doesn't make sense.
I shouldn't have to try to be myself.

But in the moment,
When I can hear your millions of voices, loud and clear,
Telling me that me isn't good enough...

I just feel so helpless.

______________________________

Word requested by _Dom-Weasley_.
Hope you liked it.

Comment a word guys, I'll write about it.

~❤