Dangerous Mind

Silence

The colors building up inside me
Are dark red, dark purple.
Thick, dangerous colors.
The tightness in my throat is dark too,
But it's blue, with yellow spread along the edges like oil.
My music, loud to the point of pain,
Is a lot of bright red and orange,
And green behind it and coming through it,
And blue and yellow laced throughout.
It blocks out the dull, gray and brown tones of voices,
Which seem to only further aggravate my dark, thick red and purple.
Someone taps my shoulder, and my head whips around to face them,
A glare like bright, silver daggers aimed at their eyes.
Now my neck feels like sharp, pinching lights,
And the color behind my eyes is a bright, piercing pain red.
Wavery red, purple, and light fear is reflected in their eyes,
And they stutter out hurried orange apologies
As they scurry away, that fear still showing on their face.
My thick red and purple is building,
The pressure growing, becoming more unbearable by the second.
I have to let it out.
It has to go somewhere.
I have to do something, do something, do what, what do I do?
I have to scream.
I have to scream.
Colors dancing in my ears,
Colors dancing in my mind.
I run out of the house,
Into the woods,
The sound of my feet brown against gray and green.
My music is gone now
Where did it go?
Dark, shifting forest sounds smother me,
I'm drowning in an ocean of dark and green and gray.
Scream.
I keep running.
Scream.
I have to keep running.
Scream!
I stop, my breathing ragged white gray,
The pressure worse than ever.
Scream!!!

Snap.

Finally, I scream.
I scream yellow and white,
Bright green and orange highlights
Dimmer red and blue undertones
Gray spots and pink laces
But overwhelming yellow and white.
My throat is burning red and sparking yellow,
My scream scouring it raw.
The piercing brightness lasts for eternity,
Then dies off abruptly in an orange cliff.
My breath used up, I inhale periwinkle forest air,
And for a few empty seconds, the world is devoid of color.
Then I exhale dust gray, and the forest colors come back.

I don't feel crushed anymore.
Instead, the damp, dark noises calm me,
And bring me back to myself.
I walk.
I barely see the yellow red sting of the scratches
Covering my bare feet from my mindless bolt into the forest.
I walk.
I barely see the bright red orange rawness of my throat
From the scream that saved me from my thick, dark red and purple.
I walk.
I barely notice the bright pricks and tugs on my clothing
From the thorns I know I should avoid.
I walk.
There is no path,
But then again I don't need one.
I walk, and I breathe.
The rhythmic, soft sound of my footfalls hypnotizes me,
And it doesn't matter that I don't know where I'm going.
Breathe, green, blue, clear, bright.
Nothing matters anymore.
Nothing is left.
I walk, and I breathe.
Quiet.
Soft colors and tones drift around me,
And all is calm.
Tranquil.
Quiet.
Quieter.
Quieter.

Silence.

No sound.
No color.
Nothing.
Nothing has changed.
I'm still walking.
The wind is still blowing.
The forest is still shifting.
Nothing has changed.
Nothing is the same.

Silence.

No sound.
No color.
Nothing.

Then, very faintly,
So faint I can't be sure it's real...
Color.
No forest sounds, no wind, no walking.
Something else.
Soft, pastel color,
Swirling, blending together,
A beautiful, untainted song
Of brightness,
Of hope,
Of peace,
Of calm.
A song of beautiful life.

Quiet though it was,
It came to me, and I heard it.

I will never forget that song.

The song that broke the silence.

The song that gave the world color again.

The song that saved me.