Dangerous Mind

My mind is dangerous.

It twists my intentions and desires
Until I end up doing things I regret,
Things I can't take back
That stay with me forever.
My arms are proof of that.

It whispers sharp, bloody promises
Of a relief of sweet pain
And of silver, glinting under yellow light
Turning red before my eyes.
The knife hidden in the bathroom is proof of that.

It fills me with distrust and fear
Building a one-way mirror
Between me and everyone else,
So I can see them, but they can't see me.
My empty lunch table is proof of that.

It convinces me I'm not good enough
Not thin enough, not pretty enough
And surely if I eat less,
It will be better, right?
My decreasing appetite is proof of that.

It says, quite logically,
That I don't exactly matter in this world
So if the water finds its way into my lungs
And one day, I'm just not here anymore...
It'll be fine, won't it?

And I know it's selfish,
But if I'm not here
I won't care, will I?
They'll forget soon enough.

Won't they?

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~❤