Alpha's Shattered Mate √

Chapter | 29 | edited

Bethany- 

Total darkness, then it switches, one picture after another, first it was the day that Liam had asked me out.

It was a perfect day, sunny and spring, the same old routine I thought but boy was I wrong. It was also my birthday I remembered it vividly like it had happened yesterday. I was at my locker just waiting for the day to end. I hated that day, because it was a literal pain, everyone seemed to take out their frustration on me ,  it was one of the day I could not forget  where I seemed to be getting more pain then any other day. Back then I was one of the nerds, the hated for utterly no reason, I had the highest grade , perfect attendance and zero tarties, maybe that's why everyone hated me. I wouldn't really know because I never got the time to asked them, every day they saw my face pain is all they ever gave me and all the teachers acted as if nothing was happening, they went on about their business not even lending a hand, even when blackness had taken hold of me. 

I had so much pain and hatred that day, that is until Liam came in, he had stopped right next to me with his car. I hesitated but some how he charmed his way and soon I found myself enjoying his company, that same day he confessed his feelings for me, and of course me I fell for it, I fell hard, he treated me like any other good boyfriends, but in the end I was hurt. It was all just a game to him. I had so much anger and hatred and pain towards everyone in that school, that whole community, the father who never acted and treated me like I was a daughter to him. 

Then the picture changes, this time it wasn't of Liam, but Alex, when I had dropped my items and he and I had picked it up at the same time. We had met again at a cafe, we talked and talked until I found out I was slowly falling in love. I thought he was different, I thought he was the one to save me, but all of those memories , the proposal , the love , was all fake. The way he tortured me for months, showing me his ways of "love" with pain. 

The memories of my gang , the families that had accepted me and built me up, led me to something beautiful and a life I had always craved for , then Ryder came, god I remembered that memory so vividly , the bad boy who fell in love with a broken and hollowed girl, a girl that had no room for love, at least that's what I thought, unlike Liam and Alex and the school, he was different, he was kind, he accepted me, he loved me till his last breath, he showed me something that I longed lost hopes on, showed me real love, showed love for a little time, but the day I lost him was the day I died. I shattered.

I remembered those days when I became a monster, killed a hundred and gave mercy to no one, killed every emotions and feelings , killed my family out of my life. Back then nothing mattered, not my friends, not my mother or my family, just myself surviving, the amount of pain, hatred, fury and anger. I felt all that, it suffocated me and I fed of that, I remembered the joy in killing, how much I felt so alive taking lives of others, and I enjoyed it. 

The horrid memories flashing one after another. I was in a room of darkness as memories flash by. I can't hold on anymore, I can't pretend to be saved when all I've ever had was feel pain and now my mate, my new family, a family I fear I might hurt. I can't lie to myself, thinking that my crimes are all forgiven and forgotten, making myself believe that all those lives I've taken even though they too committed crimes were all forgiven.

I can't let myself think that I've escaped the pain, that I've moved on from the past, because in reality I haven't, those feeling of anger, fury, pain are still within me, and it will stay within, the beast that I've locked away is slowly scratching it's way out of the cage. I felt like I was being skinned alive , again and again.

I feel her, I feel the anger, the want for blood, I feel her wanting to take control and it scares me. I do not know if I have the strength to keep her in. The memories keep flashing , and flashing, darkness narrowing in on me, until a single picture of blood and bodies all of whom my family. I screamed , begging for the pain to end, begging for the burning to end, begging for the fury and despair to end, wanting to leave my soul and leave the earth but it doesn't , instead it keeps going, growing and growing, the pain was unbearable that suddenly, I froze. I let the pain consume me until it itself is me, I let it take all of me,  binding myself with it, giving my whole as the pain, the fury, the anger is nothing but me. I don't dare to blink, breath, it was like my heart stopped beating but yet I was still alive. I thought I was stuck in this world, but the familiar voice of my aunt brought me back, I hear her faint voice, calling my name, then Sally's, Maya's, my mother and everyone else, their voiced so faint and thin to grasp on, but I reached, I reached for that thin thread of their voice, pulling me back to reality. I wanted to stay here, I felt like I belonged here, cause in here the suffering doesn't hurt, because I couldn't feel it anymore, but I reached for their voices, leading me to a faint light, a door, I grasped the handle and was about to walk out until a voice behind rang, I turned and there I saw.

Ryder, standing, hands in his pocket, smiling at me, then the picture disappears and I find myself in the room, faces of everyone, eye's  full of concern and relief, my eyes landing to my mates eyes filled with love but then the tiredness took a hold of me and darkness came.

÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷
Another chapter finished , hope y'all enjoy this chapter and continue to read it , also vote if you like. So yeah enjoy.

1108 words counted