Red

Until The End

Winter 2015

So I guess you're wondering what happened after Silverstone? I suppose it was actually obvious huh. The race weekend was absolutely shit. Kimi ended up crashing out in the first lap, stopping the race for about an hour or so. Of course I wanted to be with him. Thankfully he was okay, no real damage done. To him at least. His car was total carnage. It was heartbreaking to see. I went with him to the hospital, dealt with all his media requests, as I was meant to, and answered every question possible. The worst part about the whole thing though was all I wanted to do was kiss him, hold him, take it all away, but I couldn't. We weren't together. Just like that. After the discussion on the Thursday, we knew things weren't going to work out. We couldn't go on wondering when I'd feel the urge to be a mummy, if I would at all. So there we were, trying our hardest to fight our feelings when it was the day we needed each other the most. That's when I realised I just couldn't work with him anymore.

To say I was gutted was the biggest understatement of the year. The job I had wanted forever, the job I wanted to keep over starting a family with the best man I'd ever met, the man that made me feel worth something, I was walking away from all of it. What the Fuck was I doing?! I had screwed up the best opportunity that I'd ever had. But it was too late. I couldn't change the way I felt, I couldn't go back on my decision, I mean, Arrivabene didn't want me to leave, at all. The door was always open for me, but how could I work with them whilst Kimi was still their driver? Seeing him with other women, even married or something. I'd forever be punishing myself for my feelings. And him. That just wasn't fair. To either of us. So that was it. Decision made.

I walked away from the world of Formula One. For good.