Cruel Intentions

Chapter 5: Overcome your past

Matthew's POV

I've had a rough life. I felt like nobody cared about me because what I've done to my my mother. I used to blame myself everyday...

It was spring time, I just turned two years old. My parents wasn't the best married couple anymore. They fought and argued every chance they got. My father was controlling and abusive to my mother. Until she finally got the courage to leave him. She was gone for 2 or 3 months and my father waited for her return. Until that very afternoon, she came back. She looked better than ever, she didn't look depressed and old. She was happy and healthy.

I was in the bedroom where my mother and father slept. I was sitting next to the closet playing with a marble I found. My mother came into the room and she kissed me on the forehead. She started going in her drawers trying to possibly take everything with her. She started stuffing her clothes in her old suitcase. Until, my dad stormed in, just glancing at her.

''You're not leaving me again Maria.'' He said in a angry voice.

''Just watch me T-Roy, I'm taking Matthew with me.'' She said in a stern voice. He started throwing her stuff around, her things crashing on the floor.

My dad was furious that he grabbed her from behind tightly. She was trying to loosen his grip but she couldn't. She was struggling. The more she fought, his grip got tighter around her. She couldn't help but cry. I didn't understand what was going on, everything was happening so quickly. I was playing with my marble until an object slid right next to me. It was a gun, a pistol. I saw my mother's hand reaching out to me. She wanted me to give her the gun.

''Matthew! Matthew!'' She cried. I picked up the gun and held it up at her, my baby hands gripping the trigger. Then before I knew it I shot my mother. My father let go and I watched as her lifeless body fell to the floor, blood leaving her body. 

Years passed...

I was 14 years old. My father owned a potato farm. Best potatoes of Idaho. All I wanted for my birthday was to know about the past memory of my mother. But everytime I asked my father, he would just abuse me all the time. I was left with bruises and scars. Nobody felt my pain and nobody understood it. I was the only child, I didn't have any friends or siblings. I was lonely and miserable. To escape my lonely life and troubled relationship with my father, I left to my grandmother's house and she took me in completely.

Grandma Marilyn was a sweet person and she cared for me and loved just like my mother did in her past time. Grandma told me the secrets of my mother's past, she showed me pictures of me and her. If it wasn't for Grandma I would have never been the man I am today. She encouraged me and inspired. With her, I finally had friends and family. On my 18th birthday, she gave me a letter that my mother wrote for me to open only on when I turned 18. I became emotional while reading the letter. All those things she said about how much she loved me and etc. I cherished her words in my heart, she was my muse.

''Someday I know you'll be sucessful and find someone who will love you like I did.'' 

Those words are the words that wake me up everyday. I use them as my motivation, I still have her letter concealed somewhere. I kept my mother's memory deep in my heart. I stopped blaming myself for her death. My dad is still alive and he remarried. He's trying to restore our relationship back but I'm just not comfortable talking to him. I don't think I can ever forgive for the way he treated me and my mother. I talk to him now and then but it isn't the same. Grandma passed after my first year of college. She was my best friend, I wouldn't have made it here without her. But now she's my guardian angel. May god bless her soul....

I still keep my grandmother and mother's spirits deep down in my heart.