Cruel Intentions

Chapter 37: I don't want to hurt him

Matthew POV

I held her close to me while we watched a movie. She was breathing calmly as she watched the movie. Today was complicated for the both of us especially for me, the way how she went from smiling just to being awkward like we were crushing on each other instead of being in a relationship. I might take this as a big deal but I'm worried about her.

She's keeping things from me, I can see that from her body language. I don't want to push her but I wish instead of sugar coating it she would just tell me. Sometimes I wonder what' she's thinking about half of the time. I stared at her and she stared back at me. She gave me a weak smile and looked away. The more we didn't talk, the more there's a gap between filling with the things we don't say to each other.

''I should probably clean our plates before I forget.'' She said while she rose off the bed. I watched her pick up the plates, pizza box and cups. ''I'll help.'' I said getting up from the bed. I followed behind her, she placed the plates in the sink and began washing them. ''Let me do it, you've done so much today.'' I said. She looked me and walked away from the sink. She began sorting stuff in on the kitchen counter. She behind me sorting stuff. I didn't like this silence and casual thing at all. I picked up the plate I just rinsed and broke it against the counter. Glass of the plate fell to the floor.

She turned around and looked at me than kneeled down to pick the pieces up. She didn't say anything just complete silence like nothing was wrong. I kneeled down and looked at her. She looked at me and made eye contact. ''Something wrong?'' She asked. I exhaled. ''No nothing at all.'' I said as I stood up. She stood up too and placed the glass pieces in the trash. 

She began to make her way to the bedroom but I grabbed her wrist. ''Please to talk to me.'' I said looking her in the eyes. ''What?'' She said her face in confusion. ''Something is bothering you and I know it. You shouldn't keep things from me because I'm your..'' I cut myself off and looked at her. ''Boyfriend.'' She said.

She didn't say anything, she just looked at me. She looked like she was thinking hard, until she covered lips with her hand. ''I can't right now Matthew just give some time.'' She said. I looked at her and nodded. ''Fine.'' I said. I walked away from her and sat on the bed. I watched as she went and leaned her back on the door. ''I'm sorry.'' She said. I shook my head and ran my fingers though my hair.

She sat on the bed next to me. I didn't want to make eye contact with her. I was kind of hurt due to the fact I couldn't help her with whatever she was going through in the past few weeks. Things have been getting complicated than ever. I couldn't manage all of this, I needed to be alone to think. I rise up from the bed and put on my sneakers. ''Where are you going?'' She asked looking at me. I shook my head. ''I just need to go for a drive.'' I said not looking at her.

''Okay.'' She said. I walked out the room not looking back. I grabbed my keys from the counter and leave out the door, just leaving her alone in the condo. I make my way downstairs into the parking lot and get in my car. I turn on the ignition and just drive away from this place. I just drive not knowing where I'm going or what is coming my way.

Sometimes I just stay quiet all of a sudden. That's when there's a million and one things go through my mind. I feel like I'm overthinking things that maybe she's not happy with me or there is probably someone else making her happy. I was overthinking way too much, this couls ruin me. This can make things worse than it actually is.

Becca's POV

I was just here, laying on the bed looking at the ceiling. I was hurting him bad and I knew it. I was just so afraid of what the consquences is. This person is after me not him and I didn't want him to get caught up in my stupid mistakes. My past is catching up with me and I can't stop it even if I wanted to. I had a feeling this was going to happen someday..you can't stay happy for a long time even if you wanted to. Silence was the best way to cover my emotions and feelings. I'm pushing him away way too much. I know deep down that I love him..more than anything. I needed to tell him now but the words won't come out.

I wanted to forget about my past and everything but I couldn't. I'm going to smile like nothing is wrong, talk like everything is perfect, act like it's all a dream, and pretend it's not hurting me but never go back to it again, no matter how strong it is because i't's like reading a book over and over again, when you already know how it's going to end..

I buried my head in a pillow, just letting tears fall outo the pillow. All I could do right now its cry. I was scared, fustrated, indenial and depressed. I was scared I was going to lose Matthew and everybody that I love. I love him so much that it makes me cry. I wish he was here to hold me and tell that everything is going to be okay but he's not. I caused everything to happen between us from the lies, mistakes and secrets. I can't stop crying, the tears just never stop. I close my eyes and let the tears fall.

I hear footsteps and I feel the bed move as arms wrap around me. I start to cry harder than before. ''I--'m so...sorry.'' I said trying to make out the words. He holds me tigther and kisses my forehead. ''Shhhh.'' He said. I buried my face into his chest, my tears falling onto him. He just holds me and comforts me. After all I've done to him, he still was there to be hold me close to his heart. I know he wants to run away from my secrets and mistakes but he didn't. I looked up at him with dried up tears on my face. He looked back at me just staring into my eyes. ''I..love you.'' I said. ''I love you too.'' He said with no hesitation. This causes me to cry even more. I buried my face into his chest once again and just cry.

My tears are like anchors that sink my heart to the depths of the deepest oceans.

Author's note 

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Today I will be posting two chapters so keep an eye on them. This chapter is one of my favorites and I've took my time on this and I hope you guys enjoy it as much I enjoy writing it for you. This chapter is dedicated to Gina. @GinaluvsAllenWalker. You can read her book The Alter and her sequel The Others. Please vote and comment! Thanks to you guys I've made it up to 1k. Thanks for all the support! Bye now :)