Cruel Intentions

Chapter 33: I just need to think

Becca's POV

I woke up in the middle of night with a cold sweat, breathing heavily.

"You okay?" Matthew asked concerned.

"I'm fine, just a bad dream." I replied not making eye contact.

"Try to get some sleep okay?" He said rubbing my back. He laid back down and pulled the covers over his body.

I looked at the clock and it was 3 in the morning. I ran my hand over my face and exhaled air. I laid back down and looked up at the ceiling.

I didn't know why I had that dream... my negativity took over my personal thoughts and feelings.

My dream was..

It was me and Matthew talking and giving each other company and companion.

He told me "I love you.. I can'tsee you with any guy except me.''

Love was thrown around easily with my  friends and peers but hearing out of Matthew's mouth cause me to want to brush off with dismissal. I said the exact words without thinking and said..

"Thanks babe, that's nice."

His stare pierced into my flesh. It was a face filled with hatred, anger and confusion. I could tell he wanted to say what's his mind but he didn't speak.

"You just don't get it." He had said.

"What is there to understand Matthew? You want me to be honest fine. I don't love you and I never will. Happy?" I said sounding cold hearted.

"After all we've been through, you're going to come in my face with this crap. I thought you were different from this. I thought I knew what you were capable of. But now I see your true colors." He said.

********

The dream stopped there before I woke up.

It was the worst dream I could possibly have.

Knowing that dreams can come to life in certain situations even good situations. I looked over at Matthew who was sleeping calmly. I leaned and kissed his lips softly.

He must have not been fully asleep because his arms immediately wrapped around my body. He began kissing me intimately. He stopped kissing me.

"Are you okay? I'm becoming worried about you, you're acting weird. Do you want to talk about it?" He asked.

Deep down, I wanted to tell him but the other part didn't want to. It was too soon and I needed time to get myself comfortable about the topic.

"It's nothing, don't worry okay?" I said placing my hand on the side of his face.

He looked in my eyes and I knew he could see I wasn't going to tell him any time soon.

"I'm going to try to get some sleep." I said turning my back to him.

I didn't feel right about myself, I just needed time.  Everything was just to complicated, I thought I was ready for this. I am ready for this. It's been a year and a half since Sebastian passed away. I know he would have wanted me to be happy.

I wish I had someone I could talk to...maybe Sasha would understand...

I didn't want to lie to Matt but I had no choice but to. I'm giving myself 2 weeks to talk to him about this.

My eyes started to become heavy so I had no choice but to drift off to sleep.

Matthew's POV