Martyr's Love (GXG)

Chapter Forty-One

Andy

"Saan ka galing?" Agad kong tanong when the front door burst open. Seeing the girl that makes my heart pound like crazy. After what happened the other night.. everytime I am looking at her or even just a glimps of her makes my heart pound... makes my heart beats abnormally.. or should I say it just return to its normal self kapag nakikita ko siya. Just like before.

Pero alam kong iniiwasan niya ako... at naiinitindihan ko kung bakit. D@mn... I don't even have the guts to confess to Eunice what really happened. Nawawalan ako ng lakas ng loob every time she will look at me. Coz there is always in her eyes that says how much she love me.. how much she will take everything for me. At kahit na gusto kong sabihin.. hindi ko magawa.

"Work." she said it in her plain voice. Habang nag lalakad papunta sa direksyon ng kwarto nito. Not even minding to look at me "I'm tired. Una na ako. Good night." sunod sunod na sabi niya. 

Pag katapos kasi ng graduation namin ay agad naman na din siyang na hired sa pinag OJT-han niya.

But I can't stand it.. I can stand her being like this.. being like this to me.

"Cassy..." She stop as I called her name. Pero hindi niya ako nilingon.

I stop at her back and hug her.

"I'm sorry." I tried not to let her hear the crack on my voice. But I guess I failed with that.

"It's okey." Sabi niya as she tried to take off my hand na nakayakap sa kanya. Pero hindi niya nagawa dahil hinigpitan ko yun.. Coz I don't want to let her go.. Now that I have her.. Now that I can hold her like this.

"It's not." sabi ko. "I'm so sorry."

She move para humarap sa akin habang naka yakap ako sa kanya. Now her face is just inch away from her.

She smile but I can see sadness in her eyes.

"Okey lang. I understand."

Umiling ako "it's not..."

"You don't have to say anything." She cut me off "You don't owe me one."

"I did because...." i love you hindi ko nasabi dahil muli siyang nag salita

"I don't own you." Kita ko yung lungkot sa mata niya as she said those words.

Kahit ako.. ramdam ko yung sakit.. Knowing I don't own her too. I can't even say those three words kasi alam kong masasaktan ko siya.. mas masasaktan ko siya.

I felt her lips on my forehead.

"Don't worry too much... okey lang ako." saka tinaggal yung kamay ko sa pag kakayakap sa kanya "Good night." saka tinalikuran ako at tuluyan ng nakapasok sa kwarto niya.

But as the door shut. I feel like I'll gonna loose her if I will not do something.

 "WHAT?!" Pasigaw at galit na sabi ni Cams. Pag katapos kong sabihin sa kanya yung ngyari sa amin ni Cassy. "What have you done Andy?" Disappointed niyang sabi." you are committed ... You cheated on her!"

Kaya napayuko ako. "I know I am wrong.." Tumingin ako sa kanya. "But it feels so right Cams.. I love her."

She look at me with a disapproving look.

"Cams I know this is wrong.. Pero alam mo yung pakiramdam nakuha mo yung isang bagay na akala mo hindi mo na makukuha pa kailan? Tapos biglang eto na siya.. Ayan na siya.. Hawak ko na siya.. Cams sobrang saya..."

"But have you forgotten how much you got broken because of her? How many liters of tears that fall because of her? And Eunice was there.. She picked up the pieces of you... She picked up the sh!t out of you.. Andy, Eunice was there.. And you just cheated on her because you finally got what you really wanted? Your being impossible Andy!"

"I understand your reaction Cams... Pero if I'll continue everything... Masasaktan lang kami..."

She cut me off "and your gonna choose to hurt the person who do nothing but love you.. understand you and stand by you?"

"Cams I'm not saying I already choose her.. All I'm saying is that I love Cassy... at lolokohin ko lang ang sarili if I will not admit it."

"You're being selfish Andy."

"mahal ko si Eunice.." I honestly told her. Kasi yun ang totoo "And I don't want to hurt her.. I don't want to hurt her more... I know she deserve someone better.. Someone who will love her more than I do. Dahil kung ikukulong ko siya sa akin... She will never be happy.. Knowing I love someone else."

She just look at me.

"Masasaktan lang kaming tatlo if wala akong gagawin... If I continue everything and do nothing."

"Andy.."

"Cams I am saying this things to you because you are my best friend.. all I want is your support with my decision."

"I can't give you that." she answer "But I trust whatever decision you will have."

Days passed at wala pa din akong nagagawa.I have too much stuff to do in the company... having a sleepless night just to finish it and meet the dead line. Most of the time ay si Eunice ang nakakasama ko. After the day I said sorry to her she gave me more time...  even stayed at my office the whole day just to be with me. At dahil doon ay mas lalo akong na gui-guilty.