Martyr's Love (GXG)

Chapter Forty Eight

I should have died. I wish I did. Coz seeing her right now.. Kissing a girl send me to dead. I wish I  just stop running. I wish I just stay there and feel nothing... Think nothing. But her thoughts brought me be back to life.. Her face... Her smile.. It Made me want to go back. Coz there is no other perfect and better place for me but to be around her.. Be at her side.

But now... I don't know what to feel. I am breaking... I wished I am not here right now.

"Cassy.." I heard her say.. As they stop and look at my direction.

That voice.. I longed to hear that voice of hers.. A melody to my ears... A lullaby

She look at me with a shock expression. I guess she never expect me to be here or she never thought I am here at makita ang ginagawa nila.

I tried to smile. To pretend it doesn't hurt me. Na okey lang.  Na balewala lang ang nakita ko. But the truth is.. It hurts me like hell. It hurts more than what I had been through bago man ako maka balik dito sa Pilipinas.

But I should have know that this will happen.. Nung nag desisyon pa lang ako umalis noon. Alam kong mangyayari ito.  Na posibleng mang yari to.

That she will choose the perfect girl for her..

Bakit nga ba kasi ako umasa? Why do I expect that she will come run to me and hug me and say she miss me and she love me.. That she choose me... Na ako ang mahal niya... Ni hindi nga siyang nag abalang punatahan ako sa states para bisitahin..

The thought of it hurts me... Na wala siyang pakialam sa akin. But I tried na kalimutan iyon at isiping baka may dahilan siya kung bakit hindi niya ako nagawang puntahan.  That maybe something happen to her.

But everything is clear now. I know the reason now.

looking at them made me think that her father is right.. Or cams is right.. She's confuse about her feelings towards me.. Na naka gulo lang ako sa maayos nilang relasyon noon. Maybe that day.. When I saw her at the airport.. She came just to say goodbye and tell me she was wrong. Na hindi ako ang pinili niya.

The day when I woke up from a deep dream.. She was the first thing that came up to my mind.

Kung kamusta na siya..  Kung okey lang ba siya.

I was so worried about her. Not even minding my own state. Siya lang.. Siya lang ang nasa isip ko.

I was in coma for months... I was shot near the heart that give a hard time to the doctors during the operation. I almost died.. Thats what I heard.. Ilang beses nag flat line ang heart rate ko.  They took how many hours para matanggal ang bala na naka baon sa may puso ko.. Dahil masyado daw delikado ang posisyon ng bala sa katawan ko... na kaunting pag kakamali pwede akong mamatay. Luckily they managed to do so.. Pero masyadong maraming dugo ang nawala sa akin..  I really don't know what really happened.  Ang na tatandaan ko lang ay yung nakita ko si Andy na naka handusay sa sahig. From a far I saw someone standing and pointing a gun to her.. I run fast towards to her direction.. fast as i could hanggang sa naka rinig na lang ako ng putok ng baril.. I feel like there is something hit me.. Fire that is burning within me...pain that I can't explain.. but After that I just felt numb..  Until everything turned black. Hanggang sa nagising na lang ako na nasa ospital na ako.

They said  I slept for almost a year.. And because of that they almost give up on me.. Telling me I wouldn't make..  That its better to take off that life support machine that keeping me alive.

But I woke up.. I woke up from that dream..

Nag therapy ako For months.... Dahil sa matagal akong pag kaka- coma.. I had a hard time to move my body.. It take time para makapag lakad ulit ako ng maayos.

It takes time for me to go back in the country.. But I wanted to... Kasi gusto ko siyang makita.... Gusto kong malaman kung okey lang siya.

Mula ng nag kamalay ako I never hear any thing about her. My Parents especially my Dad doesn't want to talk about her. Nobody wants to say something about her. For months I waited.. Kung dadating siya.. Kung pupuntahan niya ako.. Pero wala.. Ni anino niya hindi ko nakita..

But it doesn't stop me to tell them the truth.. To tell them who I am.. to tell them I am in love with Andy. THey got mad.. And i understand.. I am their only daughter.. Ako lang ang meron sila... They have this dream for me... To have a family..  To have children..

 they said I am just confuse.. Na walang patutunguhan ang nararamdaman ko. Na hindi totoo ang nararamdaman ko... But I said no.. I told him I am sure about what I feel.

The reason why I am here.

Pumayag siyang umuwi ako para malaman ko ang totoo.. Para daw malaman ko That Andy is not the person for me..

He want me to be so sure about what I feel.  Na kung totoong mahal ko si Andy.  And I know I am right... I love her.. Mahal ko siya... Dahil sobrang sakit para sa akin ang nakita ko.

But I have to accept this... I should be happy for her. Kasi ito naman talaga ang gusto ko noon... Pero kahit gaano pala ako kahanda sa mga bagay na makikita ko.. Mahirap pa rin pala tanggapin pag ayan na siya mismo sa harapan ko. Na hindi ako yung pinili niya...

Pero Siguro tama lang tong nakita ko.. Tama lang na pinauwi ako ni Dad. Para makita ko to. Para tumigil na ako.. Tumigil na akong umasa at tanggapin ang lahat.

Na hindi ako mahal ng taong mahal na mahal ko.

"Cassy.." Another familiar voice called me. And i am thankful that she's here to save me from this painful moment... Saving me from drowning.

Agad akong lumingon sa kanya.

"Kanina ka pa hinahanap mg Dad mo." That's what she told me. I think she got it.. She got the message that my eyes is telling her.

I look back to her...

I look at her.. Memorizing her perfect beautiful face.. Kasi alam kong ito na ang huli...

"I'm glad to see you again Andy.." Then I shift my gaze to the girl that is with "you too Eunice." Muli kong ibinalik ang tingin ko kay Andy. Madami akong gustobg sabihin pero ni isa walang gustong lumabas sa bibig ko "Hmmmm.. I have to go.. " i tried no to sound awkward but I guess I failed. Coz my whole being is field with so much emotion.  I smile. "Bye." Saka tumalikod. Kita ko how Raffy look at me.

"I'm fine." It is almost a whisper ng malapit na ako sa kanya. Nakita ko siyang lumingon sa likod ko bago tumango at nag lakad palabas ng lugar na iyon.

Now, walking away from her means alot.. Now, no more questions unanswered. Now, i am so sure aBout her choice. Now, its time to me to move forward.. To move on.

I hate the fact that I have I give up on her. To leave her again. But if I don't, I never will.  I will just hang on her.. on the feeling I have for her. It's time for me to move on. I have to move on.

I close my eyes as I tried to stop the tears that want to escape from my eyes.. Even If I don't want this.. I have to do it.. to accept it... That even I can't live without her I have to let her go. But I have to learn to do so... Even its hard to do so.

Right now, Letting her go make my heart bleed.. But I know someday.. This will surely be heal.. It will be a process and it will leave a mark... a scar that forever be remembered. That I got hurt.. I got hurt because of the girl I love.

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Okey... Cassy is back... 

Next chapter will be the last one.. 

So kapit lang guys ah...

Cassy or Eunice?

Comment naman kayo dyan... 

Para matuwa ako.. hahaha

Thank you for reading guys..

Smile. :D 

ilashu! :D